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Digested read: Tony Blair - A Journey

"Wotcher, mates!

"Tone here, Tony Blair. I haven't gone away, y'know! Just like my bestest buddies Gerry 'n' Martin. Lovely guys. I like them more than I should, really. But hey, everyone makes a few mistakes. Am I right? You know I am!

"So I met Cherie at Oxford. Like an animal in bed, I was. A ring-tailed lemur, to be precise.

"Ah, Oxford. I even played a little pick-up guitar. Rock'n'roll! Hey, did you know Bill Clinton played sax? I'm just saying.

"So, yeah, New Labour. Jeez, it's not like I set out to destroy the party. And anyone can make a mistake, am I right? You know I am!

"Gosh, though, when I think back now. The Queen, eh? Lovely woman. I liked her more than I should have, really. But that's us closet Conservatives for you. Hey, anyone can make a mistake, right?

"Anyway, that whole New Labour wheeze . . . Look, what I actually said was, 'Let's run a Con past the electorate'. Was it my fault Gordon thought I meant 'con'? Mandy knew what I meant. Eh, Mand? Down, girl, sorry, boy!

"But listen, while we're on the subject of Gordon . . . He was a politician, okay? Of all people, he should have known what a politician's promise is worth. Caveat emptor, chaps. Am I right? Rock'n'roll!

"So, yeah, Iraq. Look, between you and me, there's what you know and what you believe you know and what you know you believe you know you believe. And you weren't there at that meeting. Unlike Me, George and God.

I can't reveal the deets, obviously, but let me put it this way -- Saddam don't play no pick-up guitar. Iraq'n'Roll!

"Northern Ireland? Don't mention it. No, seriously -- don't mention Northern Ireland. Cherie gets a migraine. Big Ian's accent, apparently.

"Gosh, peeps, it's been a journey. Not entirely unlike that band, Journey. All together now: Don't stop /be-lee-vin' /Hold on to the fee-e-lin' /Streetlights peeps . . .


The Digested Read, In One Line: A Journey -- The Blair Snitch Project.