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Coffee Morning Whispers

I was perusing an American magazine the other day when I came across an article which suggested that the cosmetic industry is so far ahead over there that their menfolk are actually getting their bikini lines waxed or even -- gasp -- undergoing Brazilians.

The article partly blames David Beckham for this relatively new trend. Since he moved to the States, David has appeared in a series of underwear ads that have left the impression that he hasn't a hair out of place underneath those extremely tight underpants.

Actually, nothing is out of place in those underpants because they wrap his genitals tighter than a Tesco's rolled and boned chicken.

The Americans, however, are not ahead of the race. On this side of the water, men have been having their bits and pieces waxed for quite a while now.


"Yep, except the word you are looking for is 'manzilian' instead of Brazilian, or as we prefer to say in our house, 'south of the border'," said Patsy.

"How do you know about this sort of stuff?" I asked her.

"If you were married to a man as hairy as mine, then you too would know these things," she replied, tapping the side of her nose in a conspiratorial manner.

It's true that in a certain light you may spot a couple of stray hairs poking from Jose's nostrils but the way she was going on you would think she was married to the Yeti.

"Ah yes, but does he get pejazzled?" I asked her, hoping that would soften her cough.


For those of you that haven't heard of vajazzling, it's when women give their nellies a topiary job and then add bits and pieces of glittery stuff plus a sticker with a smiley face, to give it a bit of va va voom so they can... oh I don't know... perhaps enter it in the display competition at the Bloom Flower Show in the Phoenix Park.

Well, rather than hide their lights, or anything else you might fancy, under a bushel American men are now getting themselves... drrrrrum roll please... PEJAZZLED!

"Oh for gawd's sake, that's nothing new," said Patsy.

"You mean you can get it done in Kildare?" I said, aghast.

"You can buy a kit and do it anywhere you like," she replied, as if she was talking to a child.

Maggie had been sitting quietly up to this. "WTF is pejazzling?" she suddenly asked.

"It's where men get themselves defuzzed and then, for reasons best known to themselves, attach little gems and crystals to their nether regions, lighting it up like the Koh-i-Noor diamond," I replied.

"But why?" asked Maggie.

Not even Patsy could answer that one.