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Ask Rosanna: When is the best time to sleep with a boyfriend for first time?

Q WHEN is the best time to sleep with a new boyfriend for the first time? This is something which myself and my friends have heated rows about. A friend who is following The Rules believes in keeping a bloke waiting for a couple of months.

 She feels that this is the best way to test his commitment. Another friend believes in going for it as quickly as possible, as she says she doesn't know when next she'll hook up with a sexy guy, and that any man who judges her for going to bed with him on a first date is a hypocrite. I've been with my new man for two weeks now, and have been thinking that maybe a month together before sex would be a good starting point, although it's proving hard to stick to this plan.

A This is a completely individual choice, and totally up to you to decide when to sleep with a man for the first time. There shouldn't be any rules because every individual is different, as is each relationship. Some may want to wait six months or even longer. If the guy wants to be with you and genuinely cares for you, then he will be prepared to wait. I strongly advise you to hold off until you're completely comfortable with the other person and feeling confident that you'll have no regrets. Remember it's also your choice to back out at any point. And as always, practise safe sex.

Q My husband is boring and I say this from a place of love. He just is, but it doesn't stop me from loving all his good qualities such as how kind he is to his parents, and how attentive he is to me when I've been working late. I see the fact that he talks about his plans constantly as the price I have to pay for financial security. The thing is, we don't get invited out a lot. All our old friends have fallen by the wayside and it's proving hard to make new ones. I think he bores people to the point that they run away.

A It's wonderful that you can see so many positives in your husband, who sounds like a truly kind and loving man. You just need to spice up your social life together to make things a little more exciting. While you admit that you don't get invited out a lot, I think it's time to take the initiative and gain control of your social life.

Investigate what interesting clubs and societies are in your local area, as they're a great way to meet others with shared interests. Look up your old friends and arrange a group dinner to get reacquainted. Instead of sitting and bemoaning the lack of spark in your relationship, take charge and make plans to have some fun together.

Q I'm five months pregnant and my boyfriend has just dropped the bombshell that he is already the daddy of a three-year-old girl. It seems he hasn't seen her since she was an infant following a blazing row with her mother. This has knocked me for 10, as I had my boyfriend down as a loving and caring man.

A You're in a position where there's no going back, so you must focus on ensuring that you give your new baby the most secure and loving start in the world. It's a shame that your boyfriend has left it until now to tell you, but he may be feeling a large amount of guilt. I would advise you to talk to him about his role in your child's life and to make it clear that you don't want him disappearing once your baby is born.


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