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Ask Rosanna: Should I trust this handsome man?


 Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Agony aunt Rosanna answers your questions

I'm in a relationship with a man I love very much but do not trust. He's never done anything that I know of for sure to betray me. However he does have something of a reputation for being unreliable so every time he is late or changes arrangements it makes me uneasy.

He is very good looking and I think I am just average so that makes me suspicious too.

We have been dating for six months and have never had an honest conversation about our feelings or where it is all going - should I trust my instincts and get out now?

*As you have no reason to mistrust your boyfriend because he's never actually done anything that you know of, it's possible that your feelings are driven by your own insecurities as you're constantly comparing your level of physical attractiveness to his.

But he's with you for a reason and if you're that in love with him, he must be doing something right. However, I do always think it's important to trust our instincts.

So having a very casual but honest chat with him about your feelings may be a good idea, because you haven't done it before and bottling up your emotions will probably make you feel even worse.

It will probably help to strengthen your relationship, as you're at the point now where you should be able to know for sure that you want to be together and fully committed to each other.

I definitely think that it's time to have that talk and to reveal your inner worries, but approach in a very light-hearted manner to allow him the chance to express his feelings too.

My little brother has always been just a bit effeminate yet also verbally displays an intolerance and lack of understanding towards those who are gay.

Often when people met him for the first time they think he is gay, I have no idea if he is aware of this but I do wonder if he might be in denial of his own sexuality - should I call him out next time he makes little of a person for not being heterosexual?

*It sounds like your brother might be going through a transitional time, where he's trying to work out his own sexuality and interests in life, but perhaps there's an element of insecurity in him which is making him lash out at others.

It's possibly a lack of maturity as well as an inability to understand his own emotions.

My advice is to be a supportive sister and never judge him for his path in life, but if he's rude to others then it would be a good idea to gently explain to him that another person's sexuality is their business and not his. Plus there's absolutely nothing wrong with it either.

He really needs to learn to live and let live before he gets himself a reputation for being intolerant and rude to others. But otherwise, I would give him the time to work out his sexuality in his own time and don't bring too much attention to it if he is already feeling a little vulnerable and insecure.

I'm single, 65 and about to retire from a job that is my life. All these years I dreaded holiday time, including Christmas, as it meant not having a place to go to and people to check in on.

But now retirement is upon me and I know that most if not all of my colleagues will forget about me very quickly once I leave.

I'm old and lonely and invisible and don't really know what to do with myself without the purpose that work has given me all these years.

It's incredibly sad to read your letter as you really seem to believe that you're irrelevant with nobody at all to care about you. You have made yourself into a victim, waiting for others to run after you.

But nothing in this life comes without us making an effort, and it sounds to me that you have stopped making an effort with others. It becomes a vicious cycle when you close yourself off to other people and as a result, they don't think that you're interested in them.

Friendships only work when both sides are making an equal effort. Don't allow work colleagues to forget about you by making a point of keeping in touch with them and arranging to meet up regularly, even for a simple cup of coffee.There's no point in living a miserable and lonely life when there are people out there who do care about you and genuinely want you to be happy. Another option is to join a local group or club, to get you out and meeting like-minded others.

We get out of life what we put into it.