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Ask Rosanna: My wife never wants any sex

Q BEFORE we got married, myself and my wife had sex about four times a week. I usually got things started and pushed to try a few new things and even if she wasn't all that enthusiastic, my wife made an effort. Our honeymoon was wild, and looking back I think my wife was on a high as the whole wedding weekend had gone off brilliantly. Now eight months later, I'm finding I have to work harder to get her in the mood.

We've been together six years, lived together for two, and are in our early thirties. I'm in the dumps thinking this is a sign of things to come and our sex life is only going to get worse.

I'm lucky if we have sex twice a week now.

A It is completely normal for your sex life to change as the relationship develops and moves on. The honeymoon for most couples will naturally be a time of heightened passion, but you can't assume that the rest of your relationship together will be just the same. Life and everyday commitments get in the way.

I suggest you speak to your wife and try to reach a compromise. You could book a weekend away to help boost your passion in the bedroom, or literally pencil it into your schedules. Be patient and understanding with each other and work together to find a middle ground which suits you both. Marriage is all about discovering what works best for you both.

Q My mum's new boyfriend has a daughter who is the same age as me, but that's where the similarities end. She is 15 and looks 25 because she wears lots of make-up and tight clothes.

She hobbles around in high shoes. She talks about boys and straightening her hair, and how much fake tan she uses.

She never studies, just talks to her friends online.

I'm a bookworm and my plan is to go to college and live in at least three European cities before starting my real career. I'm into being fit and live in runners. My mum wants us to be friends, but how when we've zero in common?

A I'D be inclined to agree with your mum's point of view here. She has embarked on a new relationship with this man and it would be beneficial for you all if you were friends with his daughter. I'm not suggesting that you alter your personality to fit in with hers, but do take some time to find a common point of interest. You may even find that, despite your different lifestyles, that you get along quite well. My advice is to always give another person the benefit of the doubt and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Q I feel my best friend's boyfriend bullies her but she says he's only trying to help her, and it's why he puts her down all the time. He tells her she needs to lose weight and dress better, and lately he's been counting the number of drinks she has on a night out and telling her she has to cut back.

He won't let her smoke. She is going back to study following his encouragement, which is a good thing, and she seems more positive these days and doesn't seem to get depressed so easily. She says it's down to walking her boyfriend's dog which really cheers her up.

But he never goes out walking with her. She is changing and isn't as much fun any more, and I don't think her boyfriend likes the real her.

A It certainly does sound like your best friend's boyfriend is extremely controlling. While I strongly disagree with him interfering in her weight and the drinks she's 'allowed' to consume on a night out, it's great that she's feeling a little happier and returning to her studies. He may mean the very best for her, but his method of doing it is by being bossy and in charge.

My advice is to avoid interfering in their relationship, as ultimately it's none of your business, but you can have a non-confrontational chat with your friend about your concerns.

She may not be fully aware of what he's doing as it's become normal behaviour. Encourage her to stand up for herself more and not allow her boyfriend to control so much of her life.


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