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Ask Rosanna: My boyfriend's naked photos of ex

Q My boyfriend has naked photos of his ex-girlfriend on his laptop, yet if I confront him, he'll know I've been sneaking through his files.

I was checking his browsing history to see what websites he had been going through when I went on a little detour and discovered them. They're not porno, but I'm still really uncomfortable with the idea that he still looks at them. I'm also nervous of the fact that he said he'd like to take naked photos of me, which I thought at the time was cheeky, but now I'm beginning to think is creepy. He's perfectly lovely in every other way.

A There is every chance that he uploaded them a long time ago and has forgotten that they're there. I can't imagine that he looks at them regularly. If you continue to feel really creeped out by the idea of them on his computer, then you may want to tell him that you stumbled across them accidentally and you'd appreciate if he could delete them.

I have no doubt that he would be understanding and sensitive as the last thing he'd want is for you to think that he still gets a thrill out of looking at them. As for posing for your own saucy snaps for your man, I don't advise you to do it if you don't feel completely comfortable with the idea. Men are visual creatures and your boyfriend probably likes the idea of having something to remind you of him when you're not around, but please don't do anything that you don't feel happy with as you never know what could become of those pictures. There are too many horror stories out there of private photos being put up online after bad break-ups.

Q My boy-friend is separated with two teenage children and hasn't got a lot of money, so we enjoy ourselves in low-key ways, like getting cheap meal deals off the internet. I can just about live with the fact that his ex is living in a lovely house paid for by him and has all her bills paid for by my boyfriend, but what I'm finding difficult is that my boyfriend, who has been separated for five years, says he has no plans to get divorced. He says why rock the boat when his separation is working? I've heard this from friends as well, that men can be reluctant to get divorced. Do you think it's because they use still being legally married as an excuse not to take their current relationships to the next level?

A Divorces can be expensive, time-consuming and mentally challenging, so that's more likely to be why he's reluctant to go through with it. I very much doubt that it's to avoid marrying you, although perhaps he's also a little concerned about facing that level of commitment again. It's a real shame that he has to spend so much money on his ex at the expense of your relationship together, but it's obviously a situation which he has little control over.

My advice is to confront him about it and tell him about your concerns.

I think that it would be best for you both to seek the truth, and it's only fair that you know if he's holding back on getting divorced to avoid marrying again. You're in a committed relationship with each other, so this is something that you should be able to speak about together. Honesty is always the best route.


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