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Ask Rosanna - 'I feel threatened by her presence'

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 Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Q MY husband has started giving a woman who lives near to us a lift to the city centre, where they both work, each morning.

 I don't actually think there is anything untoward going on but I have to admit that my imagination goes into overdrive when she arrives for the car journey. I no longer wave goodbye to him in my dressing gown. We've three young children, so it just makes sense for me to be at home right now but I feel threatened by this woman's presence in our lives and I bristle inside at the mere mention of her name. She is slim, attractive, great fun, has three kids slightly older than ours but she is single and something of a career woman.

I've never felt this way before and have no idea what to do.

A WHILE I would love to reassure you that there is absolutely nothing going on and you're imagining things, I do believe in following your intuition and often your gut instinct turns out to be correct. It seems pretty unlikely that your husband and this woman are in any sort of relationship, but I can understand your concerns. Most wives would not like their husband to be spending so much time with another glamorous, ambitious and single women. I advise you to raise this issue with your husband.

Keeping these worries and thoughts to yourself will lead to resentment and anger, which will inevitably chip away at your relationship. Your husband probably assumes you have no issues with him dropping her to work, so I feel it's important for him to know how uncomfortable you are with it. You may decide together that it would be better for your relationship if he stopped bringing her into work, or he may be able to absolutely reassure you that it is an arrangement purely based on convenience and kindness. It's important for you to deal with it as soon as possible and before it becomes an even bigger issue.

Q I AM 16 and I have started to think that I might be gay – I play lots of sport, love football on the TV and have really good friends I have been pals with since primary school. I'm not at all effeminate and no one has ever slagged me off for coming across like a gay but I am clearly not attracted to girls as they do nothing for me and I know all my mates are fascinated. I am so scared. My parents would die of the shame and my friends would disown me. How can I make myself not gay?

A YOU are only 16 years old and, like all teenagers, going through times of great physical and emotional change. You are figuring out who you are and what you want from life. It is normal to question certain aspects of yourself and to compare yourself to others.

However, you must remember that there is no such thing as 'normal' and it is so important to be comfortable in the person you are, no matter what sex you are attracted to. If you decide that you're more into men than women, then it's up to your friends and family to accept it and support you. You're still the same person regardless of your sexual preferences.

If they feel ashamed of you, then it is their problem to deal with. My advice is to do your best to worry less about who you're attracted to and just enjoy your teenage years and do whatever makes you happy. People are too quick to label others, when we should all be celebrated and accepted for the individuals we are.

Q I AM due to get married in seven months time and I've most of the big things sorted. We've been engaged for two years now and I am very excited about my big day but I am also dreading it as I have not lost weight since the proposal. In fact, I've put on 10 pounds – now I am size 18. I am considering a gastric band operation and want to know what you think – it seems like a quick solution and pretty much the only thing that will have me in a size 10 by August.

A CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement and upcoming wedding. It's such an exciting period of your life but also incredibly stressful, and on top of the strains of planning and the cost, brides tend to put themselves under pressure to be in perfect shape for it.

I am a big advocate of a healthy lifestyle, with a balanced approach to food and exercise. Getting a gastric band operation purely for vanity and non-medical reasons is a massive undertaking and a big risk, quite aside from the time it will take for you to recover and any complications. You would also have to watch what you eat on your big day. My advice is to focus on getting as fit and healthy as you possibly can in the time you have. Take regular exercise, avoid processed foods and alcohol, eat nutritious, low-fat plant foods and only eat until you're two-thirds full.

Apart from that, I advise that you buy a wedding dress which makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself. Enjoy the run-up and try not to ruin this special time with worry.


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