| 5.6°C Dublin

Ask Rosanna: I fear neighbour in her tight tops

Q My husband has become really good friends with the woman next door, and I often see them having long involved chats when he's out on the green playing football with our two young sons.

She's always very animated and laughing, and I know by the look on my husband's face that he's totally into her company. She is pretty, but I think her style is cheap as she's all push-up bra and tight tops and lots of cleavage. I said this to my husband, but he said he hadn't noticed. Now she has asked my husband to help her organise a swim club for the children on our street, which would be great for our boys. Yet I'm freaked by the idea of my husband spending more time with her.

A While I've no doubt that their friendship is completely innocent, I completely understand why you might feel uncomfortable with him spending so much time with this woman.

It's totally natural, even if you fully trust your husband, as you have no idea of her motives or past history.

As the proposed swim club idea would benefit your children and the local community, it should definitely be encouraged, but I suggest you introduce yourself to this lady or ask your husband to arrange an introduction so she's aware of your presence.

I would also suggest that you offer to help out with the project, so you can be a part of it and be there when your husband and this woman spend time together.

Keep it casual and relaxed, and you might even end up becoming friends with her.

Q This may seem like a silly complaint but my boyfriend's love of all things girly is beginning to undermine my sense of femininity. Don't get me wrong, he's all man in the bedroom, but in just about every other room he has a highly developed sense of things which might be described as feminine. He's the one who plumps the cushions and arranges the flowers and writes out our meal menus and gets upset when items on the bathroom shelf aren't arranged from the smallest to the tallest. He tells me what to wear and I can't even accuse him of being controlling, because guess what, he's always right and has a much better sense of style than me. It upset me the other night when he was making risotto and I was putting the bins out, because while I knew his food was going to taste nicer than anything I would cook, I still hate this role reversal we have going on.

A I find it quite refreshing to hear that your boyfriend is in touch with his feminine side and loves to express it like this. The traditional roles of a man and woman don't necessarily have to be that way, and I love to see people who aren't afraid to break the mould.

I left my other half in charge of all the interior design decisions for our house as he is so much better at that than me and I was delighted with it. Unless this balance of roles continues to really upset you or jeopardise the relationship, then I suggest you leave it be.

You might want to remind him to relax whenever he becomes too obsessive or pedantic about details, but otherwise I strongly advise that you try to embrace this side of him and enjoy his cooking.

It may come in very useful.

Q I'm in transition year in school and while I was on work experience I decided to change my hairstyle and have it cut into a bob as one of the girls in the office had one and it was really cool. When I got back to rehearsals for the musical we're putting on during transition year, one of the other girls also had got a bob. She is way more popular than me, and has spread a rumour that I copied her hair because I'm jealous that she has a boyfriend and I don't. I've told the girls in our class that this isn't true, but they don't believe me. I feel like throwing up every time I have to go to rehearsals.

A It is hard to believe that you're allowing yourself to feel this way over nothing more than your hair. I appreciate that right now it seems like the end of the world for you, but you'll look back on this time of your life and wonder why you cared so much about what others think of your choice of hairstyle. You must remember that you have done nothing wrong, and this girl's behaviour leads me to suspect that she has her own insecurity issues. Her behaviour is wrong and I would strongly suggest you have a quiet word with your teacher who will know how to deal with the situation.

My advice to you is to keep your head held high and rise above this petty bullying behaviour by laughing at the rumours. Enjoy your new hairstyle and please try to pay her no attention. It is her problem and not yours.


Privacy