How can I stop my guy from ogling sexy women?
Q How can I stop my boyfriend ogling other women when we're out? I've asked him so many times to stop that I know it's not the way to go -- his eyes just seem to follow women in tight clothes of their own accord.
So I started to look at other men. This caused an almighty row, with my boyfriend claiming it was different for men, and that I should just understand that he is allowed to look as long as he doesn't touch.
He doesn't get that he is disrespecting me, not to mention humiliating me. I know other girls are aware that he is looking at them and they must feel that I'm well deserving of their pity. He's very attentive when we're alone, but I don't feel it's enough any more.
AI feel for both of you. It's entirely natural and normal for a man to look at an attractive woman. They're biologically programmed to do this, and many aren't great at being discreet! Furthermore, some women dress for attention, expect it, and are all too aware when it happens.
I used to get annoyed at my boyfriend, too, but have reached a stage in the relationship where I don't mind because it's really quite innocent and it won't go any further than looking.. The obvious solution to me is that you just learn to accept it.
He's with you for a reason. I would advise you to join in and agree with him that a girl is pretty. If he sees that you don't care any more, he may just lose interest in doing it quite so much. At least you could both agree on something and have a laugh over it.
QMy credit-card bill arrived yesterday and I can no longer avoid the fact that I have a dangerous habit of shopping online when I'm drunk. Sometimes I've no memory of doing the shopping, and I once sent two items back in the post with a furious note demanding that the company explain why they had sent them to me. Both items subsequently turned up on a credit-card bill. Drinks helps me de-stress, so please don't tell me not to drink, yet I can't afford to shop this way.
AWhile online shopping is wonderfully convenient, I can understand how tempting it is to overspend. Add the effects of alcohol and it's a recipe for financial disaster. At least you can recognise what causes your overspending and you admit that drink is the problem.
Consuming alcohol to the point that you forget spending the money should be a concern for you. Ban your credit card before you take your first drink; if you're with family or friends, ask them to put it away for you.
Perhaps you'd consider getting rid of it entirely until you feel you can trust yourself not to drink and spend.
Either way, I recommend you carefully watch the amount you're drinking and what you do under the influence. It will only get you into further trouble.
QI had one of the worst nights of my life on Saturday out clubbing. One of my friends made a joke about cougars on the dance floor about these women, who were easily in their 40s, who were dancing with young guys, and one was snogging one of the guys. We all went 'eugh' and then I recognised that it was my mum.
I almost went down with fright. My best friend grabbed my arm and said we had to go before anyone else saw her. The following morning I went downstairs with my heart in my mouth. My mum was sitting at the table having coffee with my dad and talking about normal things.
She has gone mad before on drink and my dad has laughed it off, but this is the first time I've faced the embarrassment of my friends seeing what she's like.
I need to say something to get her to behave her age and stop letting us all down, but what?
AI can understand how ashamed of your mum's behaviour you must feel. However, you must shift your focus to your mum's well-being. While I'm happy to encourage people to enjoy themselves at any age, I worry that it's unhealthy for a married woman to be out snogging young men in nightclubs that her daughter attends. Did she really have no idea you would be there or is this a cry for help?
Speak to your mum in private and tell her everything you saw. Try to be understanding and listen to her reasons for doing what she did. Make it clear that it's worrying you and is not at all appropriate for her to be doing it. I hope that it was a one-off error of judgment.