Guardians of self defence stop things going to pot

Lucille Redmond

> "IT'S John Creedon here at the mic until 10 to 10, and that's the way it is, Monday to Friday . . . everyone's welcome, and everybody's on the guest list."

But halfway through Monday's show, an unexpected guest joined the list.

Big John was alone in the studio building doing his night show when he noticed a stranger wandering around.

Creedon was about to experience what the ancient Greeks called akrasia: doing something against your better judgment.

"I went out and said 'Hi, how ya doing, are you all right?' and without a word he squared up to me," the presenter told Today With Pat Kenny next morning, with baffled insouciance.

"I just told him, 'You're ok, you don't deserve to be in any more trouble than what you're in, I can sort this one out for you, give me two minutes'."

The experienced DJ went back in and lined up two tracks back-to-back -- unfortunately, the first was Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick, followed by Reasons to be Cheerful -- leaving yer man to wander the building.

Then he laced up his boots -- he does the show in his socks -- and went looking for the invader again.

With the help of gardai, RTE's Dublin controllers scouring the building's cameras, and his keen intruder-bustin' nose -- John could smell the stale smoker's pong in the stairwells -- the guy was tracked down and removed.

"As my mom would have said -- and we grew up in a late-night shop in the middle of the city, and she had a beautiful attitude to things like that -- she'd say: 'He's some poor mother's baby.' That's how I'd feel about it: if I was breaking into buildings I guess I wouldn't be doing too well. If the man wasn't upset he wouldn't have been doing what he was doing."

And we thought the recession killed kindness.

> Colm Daly, Lorcan Hughes and Bryan Mosse versus Emmet Quinn and Padraic Marron -- another all-male panel on DSFM's comedy news quiz No News is Good News.

Where are the women on radio? Where are the tough, funny babes that abound in every newsroom and workplace? Is it hard for a gritty girl to be hired for a mic job?

Nice joke about Blarney Stoners from the boys, though, after the Colthurst Curse struck again (where there's a castle there's a curse) and marijuana spookily seeded itself in Blarney Castle's poison garden.

> Helen Barrett, White Witch of the Isles, explained to Síle Seoige on Saturday with Síle that ghosts of misdirection cause all kinds of bad luck -- but luckily there's a solution.

You just write a guilty person's name on your shoe, it turns out, and the bad luck will go back on them.

Dept of Finance please copy.

The recession will soon be over, Helen says. Ireland's awash with oil, and we're all going to be very very wealthy. And she's right -- yesterday morning the reports already started of oil off Dalkey, where they need it.

All we have to do to roll in the wealth, Helen advises, is say: "I disidentify with this reality, I call on the guardian of self-defence to roll in the oil all over Ireland".

John Creedon, Radio 1, weeknights No News is Good News, Dublin South FM, Fridays Saturday with Síle, Newstalk, Saturdays