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The naked truth about being caught starkers

- NUDIE listeners told Tom Dunne the naked truth on his radio show. He asked them for their stories after a news piece about cyclists in Cork who stripped off to ask motorists to treat their delicate bods with care.

There were listeners who'd left their clothes, wallets and keys on the beach and ran starkers, laughing, through villages on moonless nights. There were people who squeezed through pub windows dressed only in their teeny jocks. Then Lorcan rang.

He was drinking with his buddies one night in Portobello, and after a few pints they decided to stay in a friend's girlfriend's flat in Rathmines instead of going home to Tallaght. He was tucked in on the couch, and his friend disappeared into the girlfriend's room. Night fell. Snores sounded.

He woke up, sometime in the early hours, to find that he was now on a different couch. Another man was snoozing on the sofa where, Lorcan thought, he'd started the night.

The other man had a blanket over him, but Lorcan was starkers. So he went and took the blanket, curled up again and went back to sleep.

Some hours later he woke again. The other man was sitting up on the other couch, gazing at him.

"Who are you?" said Lorcan.

"I'm Cian," said the man. "Who are you?"

"Where am I?"

"I'm Cian, and this is Cian's flat," said Cian.

Cian must have been the most generous man in Ireland. Not only did he not call the gardai or attack Lorcan with a legally held shotgun, he lent him clothes to go and look for the flat where his friend's mot lived.

Meanwhile, Lorcan's friends had called the gardai, having found Lorcan's clothes and keys, but no Lorcan, and the door open and Rathmines Garda station's hardy men were searching for a naked, confused man.

"Maybe it was more than four or five pints," Lorcan admitted, and Tom said kindly: "Ah, it's easy to lose count after three or four."

After all this, Tom was called to account for giving away nudie pens as a prize for quizzes: "You just can't be giving away nudie pens willy nilly."

- "Someone told me a story about a guy who's on the NAMA list, he's number 84 on the list, he owes €300m," Irish Daily Star managing director Paul Cooke told Conall O Morain on Today FM. "So that means there's 83 people above him. We're paying for their sins." The Sunday Business Show is always where you hear the juiciest gossip.

"I wonder if that's now the pub talk," said Conall. "'Where are you on the list?'"

The lads got on to the story of a builder who owes the banks -- or rather, now owes us, the citizens of Ireland -- a princely €1.5bn. "He must be right up there on top of the tree on that list," said Conall. He's looking for a salary of €300,000 a year to head his company's operations.

"There's almost a moral issue here," said Conall. "Do we pay?"

Paul laid it out. "There's two sides here. The first is, someone's got to run the company, and is he the best qualified? He probably is. The other one is that he's the one that got it there."

"But three hundred grand?", asked Conall.

"Maybe there should be an incentive put in," suggested Paul. "An incentive payment for a smaller basic. I'll send them my thoughts, will I?"


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