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OUT! and about

About 18 months ago, I was 100% certain of what the most important elements of a successful homo relationship were. My list was quite simple: chemistry, a connection, enjoying things together like the cinema, reading, cooking ... It was by no means a hard'n'fast checklist, with the exception of the chemistry bit, which, as we all know, is difficult to find. So, what happens if you're lucky enough to find it all? Surely, in those unlikely circumstances, you have a future together?

For the average hetero couple, this would be a no-brainer: you move to the next stage -- get hitched and have 2.5 babies.

I had believed that things would pretty much be the same for us homos, with the exception of the baby option, of course. But as I reflected on my last long-term relationship, I realised that what was missing was any common picture of a future.

Everything in the present was fine, great chemistry and we had a lot of fun together enjoying the same things, etc.

But my ex-partner had no interest in having any long-term plans of any type -- no interest in having a mortgage and no interest in planning for the future. Everything was about the present.

Living in the present is one of the hottest themes of so many self-help books of the past few years and, of course, it has huge value. We spend too much time planning our lives away, but I believe that having plans is a huge part of what life is all about and if you can't share those plans with someone else, what is the point?

So, it's another to add to my list -- check if the man knows what he wants from the future, especially if there isn't a yellow brick road.