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My Dublin: Dermot Whelan

It’s a great city if you like pubs, so-called ‘paninis’ or you’ve got a bag of Hula Hoops, but it’s not so good if you’re a cyclist, according to comedian Dermot Whelan

Favourite boozer?

It'll have to be two. The Abbey Tavern (inset below) and The Summit in Howth. I've just moved there. To Howth, not the pubs.

Best place to play a gig?

The International will always be the greatest Dublin club. No mic, peeling walls, packed to capacity, too hot or too cold, dark, smelly and awesome!

Dublin crowds: you only have to curse to make them laugh, right?

I'm guessing that comment came from someone who died on his arse.

Most memorable thing to do IN THE CITY?

Putting Hula Hoops in the eyes of the Paddy Kavanagh statue on the canal (top right). I'm not sure why it's so enjoyable.

What does Dublin need more than anything else?

Cycle lanes that don't kill.

What do Dubliners do better than anyone else in the world?

Build cycle lanes that Chuck Norris wouldn't cycle in.

What would you ban in Dublin (apart from cars)?

Paninis. When will we be set free?

what's the Best thing about the recession?

No more smug stockbrokers! Putting the 'broke' into 'stockbroker'!

Best Dublin insult?

I once heard someone say in a takeaway: "There's a smell of neglect off you." Says it all, really.

What's best: northside or southside?

Northside. Why? Because northside teenagers don't talk with Californian accents.

If you were to preserve one thing from modern-day Dublin for eternity, what would it be?

The snug in Kehoe's pub on South Anne Street. Oh, and Paddy Kavanagh's statue. So many Hula Hoops, so little time...

What one thing would you change about dublin?

I'd put it closer to the equator.

Who is the unfunniest Dubliner?

Remember that guy 'Rashers' who used to be in the Denny bacon ads. Am I the only person who remembers him? He must die!

Dermot Whelan performs as part of the Montreal International Comedy Festival Showcase at the Sugar Club, January 16th, 8.30pm, €15, www.ticketmaster.ie