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Tale of Mr Whippy leaves a nasty taste

A WOMAN who enters into a contract with a guy to have sexual relations in return for financial consideration? Hmm, I'm sure there's a name for that, and I'm certain that it's illegal.

Few of us like 50 Shades of Grey, it seems - the books, or the movie based on the original novel. Strange, so, that the latest book has shifted hundreds of thousands of copies in Ireland alone and that the DVD release is No 1 in the rental charts.

So to the flimsy story: that of kinky billionaire Christian Grey (rising Irish star Jamie Dornan), who hooks up with Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) for bondage romps.

They meet after she interviews him for the college newspaper, and the smitten Grey later tracks her down to the hardware store where she has a part-time job.

So far, so unbelievable - because if every hardware store worker was as pretty, and willing, as Anastasia, we'd all be flocking to Woodie's each weekend.

As she becomes entranced by his (rich) world, she enters into a contract where she becomes Grey's sex toy (among the inanimate ones he has too), and descends further and further into a dark power game where he's controlling and menacing. The best thing that's been said of this sub-genre is that if Grey hadn't been rich, and carried out such acts, this would be an hillbilly episode of Criminal Minds, not a "steamy" romp. And what that says about modern society is more chilling than any of the nonsense here.