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Diary of a yummy drummy: Ridiculous theory - Jamie Heaslip

Disastrous rugby result as Cameron tries it on with Brooke and wins, says Saoirse O'Brien

IWATCHED THE match in Kiely’s on Saturday with Brooke.

Unfortunately, she’s one of those annoying rugby WAG-abes who wears an Ireland shirt, with the collar up, over skinny jeans tucked into Chloé buckle boots (I may have boot envy). She pontificates about what’s going on — such as about what the lads need to do in Paris to clean up their act. Two words. Fuck. Off.

Hello? We won. And what’s most annoying of all is that Cameron Knox Kennedy seems to lap it up. I even heard him saying, “You’re sooo right,” when she was expostulating some ridiculous theory about Jamie Heaslip’s try. I mean, WTF? He knows that Brooke went lez for a while — although maybe he’s one of those guys who finds that a turn-on and reckons he’s on to some sort of threesome-type shit. Whatever.

I find the whole thing pathetic. I mean, Brooke swarming all over one of my exes isn’t exactly new, but the fact that he was even giving her the time of day infuriated me to the point where I swiped the Jägerbomb Cameron bought for her. Okay, so he bought me one as well and maybe I was just being gluttonous by taking hers but she doesn’t even like Jägerbombs.

Anyway, the rugby was boring and, in the transition to Leggs on Leeson Street, I got separated from the group and went home. By that stage I’d had two Jägerbombs, five pints and four glasses of wine, so I wasn’t pissed — I was just pissed off. The next morning I stuck my head into Brooke’s room and she wasn’t there! She wasn’t answering her phone either.

By 5pm I was almost considering calling Medusa (aka Eileen, her mother), when Brooke slopes in the door, looking dishevelled but suspiciously brighteyed.

I demanded some answers. Brace yourselves — it’s the ultimate betrayal. My best friend is now seeing Cameron Knox Kennedy, the so-called love of my life! And they’ve made it official — it’s on Facebook!