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Kim's marriage? My iPhone lasts longer

IF you're genuinely surprised that Kim Kardashian has divorced, there's something I need to tell you about Santa Claus.

The fact that Kim's marriage lasted ever so slightly longer than my iPhone's battery life knocked me for six -- given the average shelf-life of Hollywood marriages nowadays.

In fact, the attention around the announcement is on course to trend longer than the marriage itself, it seems. My favourite tweet on it? "Kim's marriage lasted less time than that awkward pause after Dora the Explorer asks a question." But what about Britney? She was once married for 58 hours. That's another story, however.

For her part Kim joined the Vera Wang cursed wedding dress club -- or cursed three wedding dresses club. She donned three outfits on the big day.

The glitz of the wedding paid off, though. I don't know anyone else who made $8m in less than three months.

Who will she date next? Relationship, marriage, babies. Just keep us guessing, Kim. Protocol dictates that any marriage lasting under a year, the gifts should be returned. Anything else and it looks like a smash and grab, not a wedding.