Like Napoleon in exile, I carry on planning for glorious victory.
Sunday: The strategies, the cries of battle, the smell of death, the camaraderie 'til you get shot in the head. No, not the Dáil, this book I'm reading about Napoleon. I've always had an interest in military history. Especially the guns.
Monday: I refuse to be a victim even though any fool knows that I am. What do non-victims do? They keep going out to fight for another day.
Tuesday: Trevor Sargent is the latest casualty of war. I'm so grateful for this Facebook page dedicated to me. Ireland's hardest-working TD? Battle-scarred but all present and correct.
Wednesday: We all know that it's the media up in Dublin who have it in for General O'Dea. All I can do is sit tight and marshal my men from a quiet place. In other words, generals don't do Twitter.
Thursday: Head out to a scenic spot where I survey the territory for weak points. We could be attacked at any time from the land, the air or the sea.
Friday: Make some changes to my map of strategic manoeuvres. I have it stuck to my fridge with a magnet depicting Mr T from The A-Team.
Saturday: Limerick will certainly be protected if there's an invasion. Just have a look at my fridge if you need convincing.
Or this is how it would be if we were Willie...