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7 Days in the life of: Nell MaCafferty

Sunday Contraception, women's rights, clerical abuse, my own nudity: I've never been afraid to say what's on my mind. As long as it's off air.

Sunday: Crisis management meeting at Newstalk HQ. I don't even know why I was asked; it's got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Tuesday: I had to keep it zipped at yesterday's meeting, which is wildly unfair. So, I put on my headphones and listened to Cheryl Cole's new album. She's a great role model for young feminists, that one.

Wednesday: My phone's been busy, ringing with producers from radio stations cancelling my appearances for the rest of the week. Cowards.

Sunday: Now a TV appearance has just been cancelled. But I'm writing another volume of my memoirs, so I've lots to talk about. Did I mention that I went out with Nuala O'Faolain? Back in the days when a 'lesbian' to most Irish people was a fruity drink you'd get on your holidays.

Friday: I feel the urge to divest myself of clothes -- if God wanted us to wear them, She'd have them on us in the womb! Maybe on stage this time, instead of on canvas? It'll be "theatrical Viagra." Guaranteed a man wrote that.

Saturday: Get down to work on volume VIII of my memoirs. This one is called: My First Kiss. A Decisive Moment in any Girl's Life.

Or this is how it would be if we were Nell...