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7 Days in the life of: Lorraine Keane

Ever the professional, I’m willing to spill the beans for the celebs

Sunday: Every time I'm at a dinner party, people are dying to know what the celebs are like. Red Hurley, Twink, Emma O'Driscoll from Six -- you name them, I've interviewed them. And now I'm writing my memoirs and sharing my A-list knowledge with all you civilians.

Monday: "Chapter 1. Being invited for tea with Daniel O'Donnell's mammy." This is seriously risqué stuff. Even riskier than that time Lisa snuck into a press conference and asked Ronaldo which brand of boxer shorts he favours.

Tuesday: "Chapter 2. What really went on when I got a pre-recorded two seconds with George Clooney. Hint: I asked him about his grief over the death of his beloved pot-bellied pig, Max."

Wednesday: I've just shown the first two chapters to my agent. He thinks that I should jazz it up a bit. Maybe talk about some of the outrageous things celebrities have told me that I couldn't broadcast on TV3? Ah, now I get it.

Thursday: Right, here goes: "Rosanna reveals the truth behind those boob-job rumours -- her amazing figure is totally down to Pilates and healthy eating."

Friday: The publishers are delighted -- they're billing me as a cross between Piers Morgan and Lorraine Kelly.

Saturday: Phew, that's one hectic week over. Or so you'd think. Ever the professional, I get my hair and nails done -- it's all part of my world in showbiz.

Or this is how it would be if we were Lorraine...