Coffee Morning Whispers: Milking the customer for all they are worth

Kim Kardashian

It was the day after my first Crossfit class and the muscles on the front of my thighs had completely contracted.

My poor, long-suffering husband had to help me down the stairs as my legs had lost their ability to bend.

To make matters worse, I was now sitting at the dentist waiting to get my tongue tie lasered.

Any minute now and I would lose control of my bowels with fear. A stint in Guantanamo Bay would surely be easier than what was awaiting me.

To take my mind off my fate I perused one of those magazines that pompously tells you all the things you should be doing to improve your life but which you never actually get round to.

One particular article caught my eye and, for once, it wasn’t anything to do with coconut water.

In fact, to those of you who may have stockpiled said coconut water in the belief that if you drink enough of it you are going to live to 104, you may be disappointed to learn that it’s going out of fashion faster than a rump steak at a vegans dinner party.

Yes ladies and gents, the new, must-have wonder drink for those with deep pockets and a Peter Pan complex is — drum-roll please — camels’ milk!

Of course, you don’t need me to tell you that camels can be difficult to find on this side of the world.

Cranky

Even if you did come across one, they are notoriously cranky and, I can only imagine, nearly impossible to milk. Which may go a long way to explaining why a half litre will knock you back almost £20 (about €28).

The milk went on sale in the UK recently at MuscleFood.com and the company reported huge sales within the first 48 hours.

It says: “The health benefits from drinking camel’s milk are huge; it’s packed with the essential vitamins and minerals we all need for a healthy diet and it is a rich source of protein.” This sounds to me just like what the producers of cows’ milk say.

But what does it actually taste like?

Apparently, it is slightly saltier but, as we all know, camels are expert at spitting golliers.

Far be it for me to cast aspersions on the animal but I think it’s something that should be looked into.

MuscleFood.com claims there are more wide-ranging benefits to drinking camels’ milk such as lower calories and non-saturated fatty acids but what they don’t tell you is how much you need to drink for these benefits to kick in.

Even just half a litre daily will set you back nearly €200 a week.

It’s enough to give anyone the hump.

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