Carol Hunt: Only a mug will take Gwyneth Paltrow's steamy advice
Regular readers may suspect that I have more than an average interest in the antics of Gwyneth Paltrow. And they'd be right.
Lately, every time I'm set a challenge or find myself in an awkward situation, I think: "Now, what would our Gwynnie do?"
I then go to her popular lifestyle website, the gloriously named GOOP, see what her advice is and then I do the exact opposite.
I continue to eat red meat and carbs, I never detox and I remain happily, unconsciously coupled. And unlike Gwyneth, I'd rather eat cheese from a tin than smoke crack (she actually said she'd prefer the crack) and I've never been able to find that perfect balance between cigarettes and tofu.
Yet still I read her. Because she may be infuriatingly, condescendingly, mind-bogglingly up-her-own-a**e, but she is never, ever boring.
This week she has excelled herself. Her advice to the criminally under-groomed women of the world is that we should start steaming our vaginas. Or V-Steaming for short.
I apologise if you're reading this over coffee and muffins, but it's just too fabulous not to share. Ms Paltrow believes that a good steaming "delivers an energy boost and a powerful internal cleanse".
Now, in case you're having visions of Gwynnie sitting over a boiling kettle, I hasten to add that she recommends a special herbal steam treatment service called the Mugwort V-Steam available at the Tikkum Spa in Santa Monica.
Hold me back while I grab my credit card and book a flight.
She explains: "You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne and a combination of infra-red and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus et al".
I have no idea what "et al" includes, and quite frankly I think I'm better off not knowing, but infra-red and mugwort? Really?
Look, it goes without saying that this latest craze of Gwyneth's is absolutely, mind-bendingly bonkers.
Few sane women could read about the supposed benefits of V-Steaming without wondering if Gwyneth had had a little too much of the mugwort and infra-red combo - or was testing how far she could push us before we cottoned on to the fact she's laughing at us all the way to the bank.
But quite a lot of very sen-sible people on this side of the pond have been most put out by Gwynnie's latest fad.
Instead of shaking their heads and saying "those lunatic A-Listers, what will they think of next?" thousands of words have been written to show us silly women that taking Ms Paltrow's advice is not just unnecessary but probably A Very Bad Thing.
Amazingly, I suspect most of us had already guessed that.