10 things to do in Dublin this weekend

Chances are a lot of you have already made plans for Saturday given that a) it’s the weekend of love, and b) there’s no way you’d even consider spending Valentine’s Day indoors, by yourself and c) there's the small matter of Ireland v France. We get it. But do you really want to take a chance on town before consulting your favourite weekend guide first? We thought as much. Settle down, people. We’ve got you covered…

The Film

Fifty Shades of Grey (General Release, 18)

“Mr. Grey will see you now…” Okay then. Based on the best-selling erotic romance novel by E. L. James – which, if we remember correctly, started out as an online Twilight fan fiction series – the film you’ve all been dying to see finally hits cinema screens this weekend. Yipee. Actually, the only thing more surprising than the reviews (not every critic hated it, you know), is the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey actually comes with a plot.

Basically, a young college graduate named Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) interviews a rich and famous business man called Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). The two begin a passionate, steamy love affair. Oh, and yer man is into bondage…and he only does things on his terms. That, ladies and gentlemen, is all you need to know. Come on, there’s only one reason a lot of you want to see this film. It’s to support Northern Irish actor Dornan on his path towards Hollywood superstardom, right? What, you thought we were talking about the sex scenes? Ah here now, down with that sort of thing. Enjoy.

The Comedian

Jimmy Carr at the Olympia Theatre

He loves a good residency at the Olympia, does Jimmy. Returning for three nights this weekend, the bravest man in stand-up is very, very good at those crude one-liners. Easily offended? Then don’t go. Simple as. But you’ll be missing out. Couple of tips, though. Do not, under any circumstances, repeat his material in the pub afterwards. It won’t work. You’ll fall flat on your face. And don’t heckle the guy – Carr is the undisputed king of the comebacks and he will only destroy you. We love that laugh of his, too. Seriously, Google ‘Jimmy Carr Laugh’. You’re welcome.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Tickets priced €36.50 / €38.50 available from www.ticketmaster.ie.

The Pub

57 The Headline

Situated on the corner of South Circular Road and Clanbrassil Street, our favourite Dublin 8 haunt currently stocks the largest selection of draught Irish craft beer in the country, would you believe (we’re a fan of the Five Lamps, in case you were wondering). They also have a cracking bar food menu and – get this – there’s a proper restaurant on the first floor and everything. It’s called Upstairs@57. Yeah, that seems appropriate. Kinda hip, too. You know what to do.

For a full food and drink menu, visit www.57theheadline.ie.

Karaoke Fun

X Factor Live at 3Arena

Ah yes, last year’s X Factor contestants continue to stretch their 15 minutes of fame by fulfilling their contractual duties and hitting the road to sing other people’s songs. One for all the family, we reckon.

Be warned – it could be a long gig, but there’s plenty on offer, that’s for sure. Eight-piece boy-band/potential football team Stereo Kicks (one of the lads is from Ballivor, Co. Meath), Fleur East (big things ahead for that girl) and series winner Ben Haenow all feature as part of this year’s star-studded line-up. Basically, it’s the TV show on stage, minus Dermot and the judges. The young ‘uns will love it.

Sunday. Tickets priced €26.90 - €51.65 available from www.ticketmaster.ie.

The Play

The Caretaker, Gate Theatre

We’ll be honest with you. Harold Pinter’s The Caretaker isn’t nearly as good a play as everyone makes it out to be. But look, there are some fine performances on display in the Gate Theatre’s new production of the 1960 classic – more than enough to push it over the finish line, in fact.

The Caretaker tells the story of an elderly homeless man in London named Davies who is given a place to stay after a young man called Aston prevents him from getting his head kicked in at the local café.

Aston’s flat is a bit of a mess. It also belongs to his brother, Mick, an aspiring gangster, from the looks of things. Aston is clearly a troubled individual, and Davies will eventually outstay his welcome, coming between the brothers and landing the job of caretaker at the lads’ house.

A slow-moving tragicomedy, The Caretaker may be a tad uneventful, plot-wise, but Michael Feast (the eccentric tramp), Garrett Lombard and the always reliable Marty Rea go way beyond the call of duty to ensure a memorable viewing experience for all.

Friday and Saturday @ 7.30pm. Tickets from €25 available from www.gatetheatre.ie.

The Night Out: Part One

Vintage Dress Dance at the Workman’s Club

We’re going back in time a bit here. Couple of rules, party people. Well, not so much rules, but advice. First of all, we’re encouraged to dress up / style our hair like it’s the 1950s or something. You might wanna bring some red lipstick, too. Oh, and you gotta dance. Ah yes, DJ Beepbeep will be providing the tunes. Apparently, we can expect some boogie woogie, swing and mambo. We’re in.

Tonight. Doors: Midnight. Tickets: €5. For more, visit www.theworkmansclub.com.

The Night Out: Part Two

Love Funky Seomra Valentines Night at Filmbase

“A nightclub with heart and soul.” Well, that’s what the poster says. Pop on down to Filmbase, Temple Bar this Saturday night for the Funky Seomra ‘alcohol and drug free’ Valentines nightclub, where you’ll find 3 DJs spread across 2 floors, a speciality tea bar, a massage and shiatsu area and loads more. Good, clean fun from the sounds of it.

Saturday, 9pm – 2.30am. Tickets: €15 on the door. For more, visit www.filmbase.ie.

The Night Out: Part Three

Love Me Tinder at the Bernard Shaw

You might have heard about this one. Basically, it’s a Valentines-themed Tinder party where fans of the popular dating app will be able to find their match by checking their phones and looking across the bar. Or something. Listen, you know what Tinder is, and the folks at the Bernard Shaw on South Richmond Street have only gone and made things easier for all you single guys and gals on the most romantic night of the year.

It’s free in, and you can expect a free glass of Prosecco upon arrival (once you show your Tinder app, that is). There’ll be plenty of music on the night, not to mention a “sexy special guest”. We’re intrigued.

Saturday. For more, visit www.bodytonicmusic.com.

The Gig

Declan O’Rourke at the National Concert Hall

Yes, we know – it’s sold out. But, as always, you’d be advised to keep an ear out for any mates who bought a ticket and now can’t make it because, you know, their boyfriend/girlfriend had other plans. Well, it is Valentine’s night. Put it this way, we’ve yet to see a bad Declan O’Rourke gig, and tonight, the incredibly talented Irish singer songwriter is once again performing alongside the RTE Concert Orchestra (conducted by David Brophy) in this most fabulous of live music settings. Great songbook, great guy. A night to remember, guaranteed.

Saturday, 8pm. Sold Out. For more, visit www.nch.ie.

The Exhibition

‘Lifelogging: Do You Count?’ at the Science Gallery

You know what kind of data science we’re going to be exploring at this new ‘lab in the gallery’ exhibit, don’t you? That’s right – ourselves. According to the folks over at the Science Gallery, Trinity College, Lifelogging: Do You Count takes a look at new ways to track everything “from heartbeats to heartbreak” as part of an exhibition that examines “the different technologies, opinions, and research questions that are emerging as lifelogging moves from early-adopter to everyday”. So, there will be installations, research projects and weekly residencies. Sounds confusing. I’m sure everything will be explained for us upon arrival…

Free admission. Opens today, running until April 17. For more, visit www.dublin.sciencegallery.com.