I'm gonna take six Maccas and I'll be fighting fit, ready for anything
I have a friend who lives in Madrid. She's very cosmopolitan. Every time she comes home she fills me in on what the latest trends are in fashion, beauty, health and lifestyle.
And she's a great woman for the supplements! If you have an ailment, she'll find a supplement for you and Bob's Your Uncle you're cured.
She always texts me before she comes home 'I'm taking the drugs order what do you want?' This sounds dodgier than it is. She means she's taking orders for whatever medicines you can buy over the counter in Spain that you can't get here or that are much cheaper in Spain antibiotics, painkillers, sleeping tablets, good laxatives that flush you out when you're feeling a bit bunged up! You get the idea.
My pal comes from a big family so the list gets longer each time she comes home. 'Jesus I feel like Walter White in Breaking Bad!' she joked whilst in transit this time round, worrying about how she'd explain eight bottles of laxative in her bag if she got stopped in customs.
Catching up over a glass of wine, I notice how well she looks. She is positively glowing and full of energy. 'Wait till I tell ya,' she says. 'I've started on a new supplement Macca. It's amazing. I'm like a new woman!'
Apparently all the ladies, of a certain age in Spain are on 'The Macca' and they're all like new women fighting fit and ready for anything.
I'm in the health food shop first thing the next morning. I mean, of course I want to feel like a new woman, who wouldn't? Unless you're Meghan Markle or Beyonce. There's two young girls behind the counter. I ask them have they heard of Macca and if they have any?
They throw sideways glances at each other and start smirking. One of them goes into a backroom and returns with a big heavy medical looking book. There's a queue starting to form at the counter and they're all earwigging.
The shop assistant flicks to the page giving details of Macca which apparently is a Peruvian ginseng type plant used to fix ailing libido. I am MORTIFIED to say the least. Everyone's looking at me now so I decide to be hung for a sheep as a lamb and buy it before scuttling out of the shop as quick as I can.
I text my friend. 'You never feckin' told me the Macca was for Libido! I'm after dying of embarrassment.' She texts back straight away 'Well I told you I was a new woman!'
Then I ring Himself and regale the whole story. He thinks it's hilarious but also that he's on a promise.
'Well now that I've bought them I might as well take them. It says take between two and six a day, what do you think?'
'Oh take six, take six' he tells me.
He should be so lucky.