Thursday 26 April 2018

Why we can't stop weighing ourselves

The good woman called me in work today. 'Wait till I tell you about the great bargain I picked up,' she gushed. I braced myself for what was coming next. 'It's an electronic weighing scales, and you're going to love it,' she squealed.

I have to hand it to her, when it comes to spotting a bargain she's in a league of her own. I also have to admit that I can't pass a weighing scales without hopping up on it. I am fascinated by how much things weigh, especially bodies. If I visit someone's house and use their bathroom, it's one of the first things I notice. Others might notice shower curtains, or a bidet, or mirrors on the ceilings. I look for a weighing scales, and then up I hop.

When I watch The Sunday Game live, I love the profiles of the players that flash up before kick-off, and make a mental note of what they weigh. I love knowing what weights horses carry in their different races too. Or the extremes that jockeys go to make sure they make a weight for a particular race. I love knowing that the heaviest creature in the world is the Blue Whale. Or if a human weighs 80kg on Earth, they would weigh a little over 13kgs on the Moon.

I got home from work this evening and found the good woman, the young lad and the younger lad upstairs in our bedroom. They were taking turns to weigh themselves. At one point the young lad started doing press ups in an effort to build up his muscles, to see if he could weigh more. The younger lad sat up on back to try and make his muscles grow more quickly. He flattened him.

I had a go too. First, I took off my coat to see what a difference it made – minus two pounds. Then I took off my shoes – minus a pound. Then I took off my trousers – minus another pound and three quarters.

We weighed pretty much everything. We even tried to get the neighbour's dog to sit up.

I can never understand people that say they don't have a weighing scales in the house – I could not live without knowing. I even started watching Operation Transformation with the good woman this year, fascinated on hearing how much weight people lose simply by giving up the drink. I also think I am not alone in my obsession. Irish society, in general, has become fixated with weight loss/gain, and how controlling it has major health benefits.

The electronic weighing scales is the best bit of craic we've had since the Winter Olympics inspired us to play curling with two mops and a sponge.

I can't wait for the next time we have visitors call round – I'll have to weigh them too.

* A London nightclub has become the first ever to ban fur. I can think of plenty of other things that should be banned from nightclubs, before fur.

* Keep your bananas away from your apples if you don't want them to ripen too quickly. The gas the apples produce can turn your nanas black.

* A recent survey of 2,000 women showed they spend just 40 minutes getting ready to go out with their partner but an average one hour and three minutes to go out with the girls. A similar survey on the lads would make interesting reading.

* A brewer has created a new beer with Welsh lamb. Conwy Brewery said its Sunday Toast infused lamb in the brewing process of the dark ale. Sounds good.

* All is not well in the RTE Eurosong camp as a great big row breaks out on live television. With that, it becomes the most talked about Eurosong in years.

Fingal Independent