Tuesday 16 July 2019

Sobriety is quite overrated

I APPEAR to have publicly committed myself to doing Dry January, much to my surprise!

This development came about as a result of me always doing the exact opposite of what people tell me to do. I happened to mention the possibility of me going on the wagon for January to some of my friends and loved ones, to which all of them responded by saying I'd never do it, or if I did, I'd never stick to it.

So this is how I have ended up in the second week of the new year (Is it ONLY the second week?) stone cold sober and planning to stay that way, God help me. It hasn't been easy and the fact that my birthday fell at the beginning of this challenge nearly saw me fail before I even got going.

The Sister in Law organised a birthday lunch for me. I suspect herself and the mother in law thought it would be rather entertaining to watch me drink fizzy water while they toasted my health with large glasses of red wine. In fact I'd go as far to say, there may have been a little bet on as to how long before I'd cave and grab the gin bottle.

'Ah sure you don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself,' the Mother in Law told me. I looked at her sharply before saying, 'I actually don't remember the last time I enjoyed myself without alcohol. It must have been when I was pregnant.' Another pause, 'Actually no, because I didn't enjoy myself at all when I was pregnant.'

I drove to the birthday lunch, knowing if I didn't, temptation would lead me astray. Himself was delighted as he is usually Designated Dessie. "This is great. I could get used to this," he said smirking. "Don't get too bloody used to it! This is a very temporary situation," I growled.

As soon as we arrived the Brother in law handed me a glass of wine, grinning evilly. 'No thanks, I'm not drinking,' I said snippily, 'Ah go on,' he said. 'You have to have a drink for your birthday.' I would not be moved and instead made do with a glass of Ballygowan.

The first hour or so wasn't bad. We had a lovely meal and chatted and laughed. By the third hour I was starting to get fidgety. Himself was laid out in his chair, telling jokes and topping up his glass every time I looked around.

Meanwhile all the children were starting to get bratty and pulverising each other with cushions and plastic missiles. I was volunteered to sort them out. Peace was restored after I bribed them with crisps , but only lasted about five minutes. All the boozing adults however seemed oblivious to World War Three.

'Right, will we make a move?' I said to Himself after four hours and a lot of wine. 'Yeah, yeah,' he replied. I retired to the little girls room and came back five minute later to find him with another full glass of wine in front of him.

I shot him the evils and put my coat on. Suddenly everyone was looking for a lift home and two trips later I finally got my gang out the door. 'Jaysus sobriety is very over-rated,' I huffed as we drove home.

I glanced over to the passenger seat. Himself was out cold, snoring peacefully with a ring of red wine around his mouth.

It's going to be a long month.

Enniscorthy Guardian