TV presenter Paul Ryder ‘will never forget’ years of bullying in school

TV presenter and performer Paul Ryder says he vividly remembers being bullied for his sexuality in school, even though it was 19 years ago.

The 35-year-old, from Tallaght, dropped out in 2004 at the age of 16 and says he often gets triggered by stories in the media that are similar to his.

“I used to crawl the corridors on certain days and just look for the eyes of somebody who could turn to me and say, ‘It’s okay. You are going to be alright’,” he said.

“That is all I ever wanted, just to be helped, to be shown a way I could get through this process.

“But when my mother and father went to the school, they were basically told that unless Paul has physical damage on him, there’s nothing we can do.

“Today, when we discuss mental health, we have big conversations with children about anxiety, inclusion and diversity.

“Imagine we told the child now that unless you get a black eye or a broken arm, there’s nothing we can do. I won't forget it. I absolutely will not forget.”

Paul’s anxiety hit its peak in fifth year and led him to dropping out of school before completing the Leaving Certificate.

“I used to avoid walking certain ways because I could run into A, B and C,” he said. “In school, you’re really finding yourself and every day is a different battle.

“I had an issue with my weight. I had an issue with asthma. I was dealing with that. I had an issue with my sexuality that I didn’t even know, but I was being forced to be told ‘you’re gay’.

“I was halfway through fifth year. There was conversation after conversation with the school. But the bullying just didn't stop. It was the mental side of it.

“One morning, I wouldn’t go to school because I just couldn’t face it. I think my little brain was at the end of its tether and I literally just couldn’t face it anymore.

“My dad dropped me in later in the day and we pulled up outside the school at about half 11. I sat there and he just turned to me and said, ‘If you don’t want to go back in there, I’m not going to make you’.

“I just broke down in tears, and I think I cried on and off for about six hours because the feeling of relief to not go through those double brown doors, I remember them so vividly.

“I remember getting home, it was a sunny day and my parents said I’ll have to start working now.

“Within two weeks I was in employment. I’ve never been out of employment and I’ve never needed my qualification from a school ever since I left when I was 16,” Paul said.

Despite his difficulties, he has had plenty of success since leaving school, which includes an abundance of pantomimes, drag performances and hosting Ireland AM.

“Things I see online trigger a feeling in me about leaving school 18 years ago. I remember putting it behind me going, I never have to go through that again,” he said.

“I still feel the weight off my shoulders when I think back to the day I left the school and thought I’d never have to go through what I went through in there again.

“The funniest thing was one of the people who used to bully me for being gay was in one of the gay bars I was working in as a host.

“He came to me after the show and said, ‘Oh my God, you’re doing so well’. I just remember thinking, this is such a completely weird moment for me.

“The person who used to berate me for being gay is here celebrating me for being gay. It was just so mind boggling.

“But I suppose that’s the whole thing of how you can turn around and say, I win because they are now celebrating you.

“In the last couple of years of my career, I’ve met people from my school who say, you’re doing great now. It kind of proved to me that my education was tainted, and I didn’t get to finish it.

“I didn’t get to go to further education to try again because of my anxiety. I was so bad with the school setting that I just couldn’t go back.”

Paul is now hoping to help other people who were, or are, in similar situations to him.

“It’s one section of your life. It’s one chapter to your book because I look at what I’ve done since I closed that chapter, and I’m now 20 chapters later.

“The resilience I learned from dealing with people in that school and the heart wrenching horror I felt stands to me to this day.

“To be able to stand up to people who I know are in the wrong, to be able to walk the streets proudly as an openly gay member of the community and as somebody who now teaches kids.

“I have 100 kids in a stage school I’ve owned for five years and on top of our rules and regulations, it talks about bullying and how we won’t accept it. I’m so strict on that.

“It’s what we can do to change children’s perspectives that can make our country. The youth of today, how their parents are talking to them about issues that we see day-to-day, that’s what’s going to change this world.

“That’s what’s going to eradicate homophobia and to make every place an easier place to live,” he added.