Send blind bats to Specsavers
Sir -- Thank you for giving me a hearty laugh in these most dismal of dismal days. I refer to an article, 'Bridge was designed to protect flying bats' (Sunday Independent Feb 20 2011). A synopsis of the article refers to one of the deciding factors in the design of the new bridge over the river Boyne at Slane.
Get this! At an oral hearing of An Bord Pleanala in Co Meath, an engineer, Seamus MacGearailt, claimed that the flight paths of bats were taken into account in deciding the height of the new bridge which will be 21 metres above the valley floor. I quote "It will be above the flight path of the bats and means that lighting (the bridge) will not be needed to prevent them colliding with the bridge, -- (Wait for the punch line ) or indeed with passing traffic." As a famous tennis player would say, "You cannot be serious"
Well, I have a solution which will substantially reduce the height, thereby the span, and most importantly, the cost. Send the bats to Specsavers or have them fitted with little headlamps. They're as blind as bats, you know! Mr MacGearailt's vacuous explanation sounds like something that Arthur Mathews would have written for Fr Ted and has to be taken 'cum grano salis'.