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Null point

• I have given the IMF, EU, ECB troika an excellent, periodical appraisal of its performance in implementing its 'programme' on Ireland. Gentlemen, you are doing a truly miraculous job.

I had rather doubted that you were going to be able to get away with it at all; after all, this is the only country in history forced into a 'programme' as a result of the complete failure of capitalism. No other sovereign country has been so successfully persuaded to act as an insurance underwriter for international banking.

Special praise is reserved for the threatening 'trash-talk' of "bombs going off", "pacta sunt servada" (respect other people's commitments; not a literal translation) and "emergency funding being withdrawn", all of which did the job of subduing the indigenous people, known in troika circles as the 'Dire-ish', as a testament to their cowering subservience.

The troika 'programme' implementation is right on course, despite the danger of being found out during the upcoming Fiscal Compact referendum on volunteering for more austerity.

The degree of support from all the right-wing political parties, such as the crawl-on-its-belly 'Labour' party, is matched only by the craven support for the 'self-abuse' referendum in the broadcast and print media. Were it not for this universal support, the 'programme' would surely be found out (sorry, experience difficulties).

The upcoming challenges to the 'programme' involve the continued, co-ordinated peddling of the idea that "something" is happening "in the background, in secret" to grant the Dire-ish some relief on debts that aren't even theirs. Remarkably, there is no end to how often this false dawn, pig-in-a-poke, downright lie can be successfully deployed.

Consideration will now be given to putting the Dire-ish 'programme' on auto-pilot, as a monkey swinging on a tyre, only interested in banana consumption, could be trusted to implement the 'programme' here.

Declan Doyle
Lisdowney, Co Kilkenny

Irish Independent