Wednesday 29 January 2020

Nice guys finish last

Sir -- I am writing in response to Niamh Horan's article about searching for 'Mr Right'. In it, she rightly pointed out that many men are simply too afraid to approach a group of good-looking women, of which thankfully our city is full. Men mostly need a load of alcohol to muster the courage to talk to such women, by which time they are in no fit state to make a positive impression anyway.

All of this I am in agreement with. But I would like Niamh to consider the situation for a minute from the male perspective. She said that the only reason a girl would turn someone away was if they were drunk or leechy. I beg to differ. Consider the possibility that most guys see these women as unattainable in the first place; that these women's expectations are too high and that rejection by them is virtually guaranteed.

Most men who would end up approaching them are highly confident -- a characteristic gained through practice I would surmise. They are players, and exactly the type of men you probably need to avoid. I am recently single, as is a very good friend of mine. He is, as I am, the most decent and honest man you will come across, and would treat any woman he went out with like a princess. He is a normal guy -- no Brad Pitt I admit -- but the problem is that women for some reason seem to dismiss him as not good enough straight away.

Niamh mentioned the Celtic tiger. Are women looking for the SUV-driving banker, setting their sights on material attainment ahead of good, decent men, or does it take a comic genius of the magnitude of Tommy Tiernan to keep their attention in a pub or club? The point I'm trying to make is that women don't give most men enough of a chance, just like Niamh on New Year's Eve. She let a perfectly good man go, even though she found him attractive, because he admitted her sister told him she liked him. She let him go because he was honest! Does this make him any less of a man? I think not.

You see, there's no silver bullet when it comes to talking to a complete stranger -- no one line that will win her heart. Most people know this. It takes time, but if you're not given a chance nothing will ever happen and we'll all get taxis home alone. Maybe Niamh shouldn't be giving out about men but trying to convince them that not all attractive women live in ivory towers, or maybe she could try to convince women that not all men should be a cross between Brad Pitt and Bill Gates.

Name and address with Editor

Sunday Independent

Today's news headlines, directly to your inbox every morning.

Don't Miss