Monday 26 February 2018

Cheesed off by officials

Sir -- I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date. For heaven's sakes, do these guys do this by hand?

My birth date they have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my medical card, my driving licence, my car insurance, on the last four damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be astounded if that ever changed.

They send the application form to my house, and then they ask me for my address! What is going on? Look at my picture. Do I look like a space alien? I don't want to dig up The Holy Grail. I just want to go and park my body on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why he or she would give a monkey's whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the city to get another copy of my birth certificate. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist with the issuance of a new passport the same day?

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