• I am astounded at the clamour from the liberal chattering classes over the UK home secretary's eminently sensible proposals to force Internet Service Providers to afford police and security services untrammelled access to customers' email and web browsing records.
Don't these unprincipled scoundrels and enemies of the state realise that access of this sort is invaluable in combatting crimes and moral turpitude such as tax avoidance, immorality and conspiracy to frighten the horses?
Ever eager to assist, I have resolved to forestall any legislation by forwarding copies of all my email direct to Mrs May at email@example.com and would urge your readers who have nothing to hide to do the same. After all, if it saves one child...
John Eoin Douglas