Friday 22 February 2019

Bill Linnane

Stock photo

Bill Linnane: 'Fellow parents, I bring grim tidings from the frontlines of teenage sexuality - it is as bad as we feared' 

Fellow parents, I bring grim tidings from the frontlines of teenage sexuality - it is as bad as we feared. My daughter has been going to the odd teen disco for some years now. First there were the local GAA club discos, sweaty awkward affairs that were mostly for the 12-14 bracket. There was no great debate between us about whether or not she should be allowed go to these - it's the GAA,...

Little Samson: Kid from Mad Max 2

The seven ages of man's hair 

Flogging beauty products to men is a hard sell. We pay so little attention to our physical and mental well-being that you have to feel sorry for Gerard Butler attempting to convince us that moisturiser is actually 'face protector' or for those Lynx ads that try to make us believe that smelling like a bordello will make people want to be around us. One physical attribute that we do care about, however, is our hair. It is inextricably linked to our notions of masculinity and as a result, it gets more attention than our skin, eyes, emotions, relationships, kids, and entire digestive system...

It’s a wrap: Your gift had better be Irish-made, while tinsel on your tree is a no-no

How middle class is your Christmas? 

There are few events in the annual calendar more middle class than Christmas, save perhaps the Grand National, Irish Open or Ideal Homes Exhibition. It is a time of year to gather round the Rangemaster in the back kitchen, earnestly discussing your fear of the hard left with neighbours you don't really like, sipping some M&S mulled wine out of Waterford Crystal glasses wrapped in artisanal kitchen roll. No need to turn on the heating, as your own smugness keeps you nice and toasty. But wait - what if you aren't having the most middle class Christmas possible?

'Considering the number of liberated rotisserie chickens waddling the streets, it is clear that huge numbers of us have no idea how dangerous the sun actually is, or how quickly it can ruin the skin'

Our great country would be even better with a roof over it 

Our traditional Leaving Cert weather finally arrived at the weekend as a reminder that we do not belong in the sun. The tan was once seen as the sign of the peasant, until Coco Chanel accidentally came home from holidays with a golden brown hue. She did not, however, walk around a shopping centre with straps down and shoulders that looked like two smoked hams, nor did she go 'tops off' at the first sign of sun, showing off tattoos and a Pointillist canopy of future melanomas.