Monday 10 December 2018

Everyone feels free to mention my weight

I keep a skinny wardrobe and then a fatter one
I keep a skinny wardrobe and then a fatter one
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

People feel free to comment to me about my weight. Anything from, "Jesus, you've lost some ton of weight" (fat guys), to "Don't lose any more weight now" (women of a certain age). I know I should take umbrage in the current climate. But I don't bother. Wouldn't it be worse if they were saying, "Jesus, you've put on some amount of weight", or, "My God man you're enormous". The comments are meant well. They are complimenting me. And the people who don't know aren't up to speed with the latest rules.

Also it's nice that they feel they know me and they can say it. It makes the whole place feel like a village when people feel they can just make these deeply personal comments to you, casually, as they pass you in the street. Some women of a certain age also make saltier comments. I suppose I have an old-fashioned look that some of them like.

And in fairness I've dined out on the weight thing. And here I am bringing it up again. I bring it up again now because right now I feel like a fraud when people tell me how much weight I've lost. Technically, they are correct. Depending on what time scale you are operating off. Over all, in the last decade, I have lost weight. But the last year? Not so much. Right now I'm on an upswing, adding on a bit of weight every month. I'm actually starting to wonder if I will ever be at a steady weight. It seems to me that I am either losing weight or I am putting it on. And right now I'm putting it on.

I had made a deal with myself that I wouldn't let my weight get beyond 12 and a half stone. Which was all very well when I was 12 stone and a few pounds. I said to myself that I wouldn't obsess, I would allow myself to fluctuate a bit, but I would put limits on it. And once I went outside the allowed range, I would deal with it. And then it went up to the top of the allowed range straight away and then it kept going on. Suddenly it was 13 stone and now it's 13 stone and a few pounds.

In case you're wondering why I haven't switched to the metric system, I have in general but I regard the weight as a legacy issue and for purposes of past comparison I need a consistent unit of measurement so I'm stuck with stones and pounds.

Of course I was managing to ignore the weight gain but I've been noticing that some of my clothes have shrunk a bit. I'm bursting out of my jeans and I'm tending to wear the less slim shirts in my repertoire. I realise that subconsciously I still have a skinny wardrobe and then a slightly fatter one.

Obviously I could go on an extreme diet of some kind or I could go back to Ken and do the Taylor Made Diet for a while. But I feel I need to grow up here and learn to do this on my own. I need to get to a consistent healthy weight and stick with it. I can't keep up this yo-yoing for the rest of my life.

I act surprised that I'm putting on weight. I tell myself all kinds of things. Like that I barely drink at the moment while I'm doing TV. But then I think about it and I realise I had a few pints on Saturday and a glass and a half of wine with dinner on Sunday. Home glasses too so multiply that by two. Not going crazy but, you know, not exactly not drinking either. And I tell myself I'm not eating too much crap, but I think about that and I realise that actually I am picking up bits and pieces of sweets and chocolate all the time. I might not be having a major sesh, but I am tipping away on the old sugar all the same.

And then I tell myself that other people can tip away on a few drinks and chocolate and crisps and whatnot and they don't get fat. And it's not fair and all that. But that's not going to help anyone. And the bottom line is that I am happier when I don't have a big old gut and love handles on me, and I'm happier when I look good in my clothes, and I'm happier when I feel I'm not inexorably piling on the pounds. And I know you're not supposed to say that either. But the truth is I will feel better in myself if I lose some weight, and I need to think of that every time I reach for treats.

You could say I should just relax and accept I will never get to the ideal weight, but the alternative is to get fatter and fatter. A life of yo-yoing is not ideal. But it's better than the alternative.

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