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We’re having home broadband issues — and it feels like a fortnight of listening to hold music has done irreparable things to my brain

Tanya Sweeney


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'The last thing I wanted was to end up as ‘Exhibit A’ on a training course as a complete and utter Karen'

'The last thing I wanted was to end up as ‘Exhibit A’ on a training course as a complete and utter Karen'

'The last thing I wanted was to end up as ‘Exhibit A’ on a training course as a complete and utter Karen'

You don’t need me to tell you that moving house is among life’s most stressful events, but I’d be willing to wager that moving the broadband from one house to another is right up there, too. There has to be a word in the German language for the singular emotion you feel when, after ringing a broadband provider about a dozen times, someone on the other line asks you to explain your sorry situation all over again. It was the point earlier this week when I officially, to use official techie speak, Lost The Rag.

It should have been straightforward. Two weeks before moving house, I made the obligatory phone call to notify our broadband provider about our house move. I was assured we would be inconvenienced and without broadband for a day or two, tops. Between then and now, things went bewilderingly pear-shaped. I’ll spare you the boring minutiae, but every single call to the broadband provider, after a half-hour wait, ended in a weird impasse; vague reassurances that something probably could be done. “This is how it needs to be fixed,” I would tell these people, in every permutation of the phrase I could manage. “I don’t think it is, but we’re not sure what to do,” would come the reply.


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