The kids are alright: go easy on teenagers as they struggle through very strange summer

The pandemic has left all of us in limbo, but at least adults have the perspective to look beyond this weekend, this month, this year - and see our lives will return; when I was a teenager, on Friday afternoon, I was not interested in anything more permanent than that evening.

Yet, while I empathise with the youngsters, I have huge sympathy for their parents because if I could go back again I would not touch the stuff until I left school and I am determined my own kids won't drink under-age.

This is because teenage drinking always promised great craic, a brilliant night to be had; but while it always brought a result, the result was usually misery.

For a couple of years I was in trouble non-stop with my parents and got into all kinds of scrapes - such as waiting until three cans of cider went down the hatch before I would declare undying love for a friend's boyfriend.

Why did I do it? Why does any teenager? Because everyone else was doing it. Because it was something different and exciting.

Like many teens I was insecure and easily discouraged from being myself, anxious about my spots and while it seemed alcohol nicely cleared up these issues it always brought new problems and made current ones worse.

The night I ended up in St Vincent's was a few weeks after I had my first drink. A friend and myself started drinking a dolly mixture, sneaked from our homes, in a local field before getting the bus to a tennis club disco where I curled up unconscious.

It was 28 years ago but the shame stings - about wasting the nurse and doctor's time, the worry caused to my parents; my poor mother on the phone to the hospital: "Good Lord, you have the wrong house, my 15-year-old daughter is babysitting."

It did not feel that way at the time but I can see now I was fortunate; lucky we got to the disco where a (sober) adult could see the danger and ring for an ambulance. Lucky too, there were no phones to record the sorry situation.

Teenagers don't know their limits, drinking is always risky, but more so in a field with no adults around.

My eldest is just 11 so it's easy for me to say I won't let my kids drink when they hit the teens - I know every single trick in the book - but it's difficult for parents to keep reign on their teenagers' drinking, especially now they have more free time than ever.

Looking around I see loads of cans in parks and public spaces. There has been more hanging around time with many family holidays not happening; the Gaeltacht off, slim chance of a part-time job, big discos like Insignias and Tivoli in Dublin aimed at teens that don't serve alcohol cancelled (the same story around Ireland), festivals such as Longitude and Forbidden Fruit also cancelled. There have been reports about ordering alcohol online but the teens I asked go the old-fashioned route - getting someone older to buy it, taking it from home, asking randomers outside shops. Some (girls mainly) have fake ID and get away with buying it.

Alan McDonnell, a clinical nurse specialist in adolescent substance misuse, says without the usual structures this summer - such as youth clubs, GAA, choirs and boxing groups - it's no wonder teens are feeling at a loss and he would recommend parents open their own living space for them to hang out.

He says many teenagers are worried about Covid-19, not socialising in school for months did not help, and they have a tendency to view normal mood swings as bigger problems and alcohol will just make them feel worse.

"I am coming across many teens lately who say they are more anxious, but while they have the lingo they don't understand the terms. They say they are depressed and paranoid but when I explain what this means they say they don't have that. Alcohol is dangerous because it has a bad effect on mood - it is a natural depressant - so any low mood they feel will worsen. For under-18s, all the research shows the safe limit is zero."

He finds social media is encouraging more drinking with videos posted on TikTok made under the influence, and he advises parents not to fly off the handle if they catch their children drinking, but to explain calmly drinking will make life more stressful and it's always better to wait until they are older.

Psychiatrist Larkin Feeney advises going easy on the teens this summer and letting them sleep in.

"Encourage them to go shopping, play football, listen to music, play video games, watch YouTube, walk the dog, go to the beach, cut the grass - it is not their fault there will be a lot of lounging around," he says.

It can be tricky being a teenager; but in the summer of 2020 it must be even more difficult. And talking honestly to them about why they should avoid drinking and giving them leeway to hang around doing nothing, and making your house the space to do this, may make it less likely they disappear down the local field with a bag of cans. Which never ends pretty.