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Sinead Ryan: 'Time to spend our slice of the Apple billions'

 

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'For our part, maybe it's time to spend the $13bn they gave us last year before they look for it back.' Stock photo: AFP/Getty

'For our part, maybe it's time to spend the $13bn they gave us last year before they look for it back.' Stock photo: AFP/Getty

AFP/Getty Images

'For our part, maybe it's time to spend the $13bn they gave us last year before they look for it back.' Stock photo: AFP/Getty

Apple issued a profit warning recently, causing its share prices to plummet. To put it in context, the loss amounts to a mere $55bn.

The Chinese are getting the blame for it, which is grand, but I'm afraid I think it's our fault.

The company's dominant product is the ubiquitous iPhone, which accounts for 59pc of its business. This is probably a mistake (you're welcome, Mr Cook), as once everyone has one, you're kinda done. Most people can't or don't want to spend up to $1,000 for a new phone, especially as there seems to be an upgrade every five minutes, so it's going to hit your profits eventually.

Anyway, back to us. We love to talk. We spend more minutes blathering than other Europeans (212 minutes a month, although I suspect most of this is hanging on hold to call centres).

Ninety percent of adults in Ireland own a smartphone, but the interesting (if slightly bewildering) statistic from ComReg is the 'penetration rate' of mobiles, that is, the amount of live numbers in existence: it's 128pc, which, by my rudimentary maths, is more than one for everyone in the audience.

OK, so some people have separate "work" and "personal" phones, but honestly, isn't that mad? I don't see the point of carrying about (and paying for) a selection of phones. I can't even keep track of the one I have.

As we're over saturation point if Apple continues to tumble, it'll need another strategy. For our part, maybe it's time to spend the $13bn they gave us last year before they look for it back.

Bezos will learn divorce can be a costly business

ONE person who may be hoping his company drops in value is Amazon's Jeff Bezos. The about-to-be-divorced Mrs Bezos is set to hoover up $75bn - half his wealth - making her richer than any woman on the planet, including Queen Elizabeth.

The couple claim their divorce will be amicable (good luck with that), but they'll certainly have an eye on other very public billionaire splits which didn't go quite so well.

When oil tycoon Harold Hamm split from his wife of 26 years, Sue Ann, he wrote her a singularly specific cheque, as you do, for $974,790,317.77.

She cashed it, as you would, but decided to return to the pot a few years later, given hubby was worth $13bn. The case ended up in the Oklahoma Supreme Court but she lost as the judge ruled her acceptance of the original settlement precluded her getting any more.

In learning that anger hath no fury as a woman scorned, the ex-Mrs Hamm turned her ire on the judge, setting up a political action committee to have him unseated from the bench.

She was successful, which surely made Mr Hamm feel he got away lightly.

But the break-up biscuit goes to Hollywood magnate Kirk Kerkorian whose 10-year relationship with tennis player Lisa Bonder, 48 years his junior, resulted in her getting pregnant and their getting hitched (third time for him).

Sadly, the union ended love-all after just 28 days, and Mr K offered her $100,000 a month plus $7m in child support.

Mrs K had, even in that short time, evidently become used to the finer things in life, and demanded more, including, among other things, $6,000 a MONTH for flowers and €426 a month for the care of their daughter's pet rabbit.

His lawyers in turn demanded a paternity test, only to discover that dad was not … actually, dad.

Displaying spirited evidence of hope overcoming adversity, the nonagenarian went on to wed fourth wife Una Davis, that union lasting a mighty 56 days.

Divorce proceedings were under way when he died, aged 98.

Irish Independent