Monday 21 October 2019

Sinéad Ryan: 'iPad should be password for a minute's peace'

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Let them play on the iPad for an hour, it won’t kill them, and you can keep an eye out for social services over your sneaky glass of wine. Stock image
Let them play on the iPad for an hour, it won’t kill them, and you can keep an eye out for social services over your sneaky glass of wine. Stock image

Sinéad Ryan

You know how it is with the Easter holidays.

We might have had a nice run of weather for once, and while it gives you the opportunity to shovel the kids outside to play or bring them places to run around, eventually you run out of (a) money or (b) ideas and decide, sod it, let them play on the iPad for an hour, it won't kill them, and you can keep an eye out for social services over your sneaky glass of wine.

That's possibly what Evan Osnos may have been thinking when he left his three-year-old toddler occupied by virtual gaming for a bit only to reclaim the device to find out he had been locked out of it, due to the child's over excitement in tapping in numbers - which he did in the diverting game known as the password box.

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Anyhow, the toddler's techie tantrum resulted in dad getting a helpful message from Apple informing him so many password attempts had been input, they'd spotted the imminent security risk and he'd been safely frozen out; it promisingly advised him to "Try Again in 25,536,442 minutes". That's around 48 years, by which time both dad and the iPad would undoubtedly be obsolete.

A frantic plea on Twitter solved the problem for him eventually, because it's the one place you can count on to get grown-up techie toddlers showing off.

Although it being Twitter, he also had to scroll through the thousands of virtue-signalling perfect parents admonishing him for leaving his child with a digital babysitter, which in fairness we've all done when the alternative was chucking it out the window in frustration (the child, obviously, not the iPad).

I trust your Easter holiday bonding is going better with your own kids who are undoubtedly romping around the garden with nary a screen or chocolate stain in sight. Yeah, right.

True equality means four-inch heels for men

I took a brief flight earlier this year with Norwegian Air, which is pretty much like any other budget airline with one exception. Being Scandinavians, they're naturally smug at showing the rest of us how we should be living.

The Norway model (whoever she is), is even mooted as a possible Brexit plan, should anyone ever get around to actually wanting one.

We're always told how Norway and its Scandi sister countries are the best at everything - economic security, social structures, health care; even 'hygge' which will probably be off trend by the time we all learn to pronounce it.

The country's airline was in the news recently when it decreed, rather unfashionably, that its female staff must wear high heels at work.

Part of a 22-page "dress code" (I know fashion stylists who don't need that much information), it cites a minimum 2cm heel height requirement and an insistence on a doctor's note if, for some reason, she takes the mad notion to attempt to be comfortable in lieu of corns.

Following a backlash, the airline graciously conceded that cabin staff can wear flat shoes but only - only - while on board. Once down those rickety steps, they must change into a stiletto.

Amid lively, but not unexpected outrage from feminist groups who complained of 'Mad Men' style dictators at the airline, it refused to back down.

Isn't there a simple solution though, which would satisfy the Norwegians' self-righteous archness?

They claim to be one of the best countries for egalitarianism on the planet. So there can't be any issue with making men follow the same rules. Equality, innit?

I reckon if the airline bosses (you know, you just know they're blokes, don't you?) had to endure a four-inch Jimmy Choo, the rule book would be torn up by lunchtime.

Irish Independent

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