Thursday 27 June 2019

Niamh Horan: Men are having the last laugh in women's sexual revolution

Romance and courtship have been replaced by hook-ups and women are the only ones losing out

Tinder (Stock photo)
Tinder (Stock photo)
In recent days, Vanity Fair landed in hot water over its feature 'Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse' which points out that the site - and the wider internet - has led to a hook-up culture
Niamh Horan

Niamh Horan

The women's sexual revolution is the best thing that ever happened to men.

For years, generations of women forged a promising new world, fighting for equal rights and opportunities in education, politics, society and the workforce.

But despite all our demands for equal opportunities, our biology remains unchanged. And when it comes to emotions and sex, this is where our differences matter most.

Despite advances in the pill, an explosion of online dating apps, financial independence and the decline of marriage - we are physiologically different. And we need to stop pretending otherwise.

Stop pregnancy by using contraception all you want, but at the heart of it our rudimentary desires will never change. By and large, women will always be more emotionally invested in sex.

So where does all this fit in to our hook-up culture?

Well, it doesn't.

And women are the only ones whose needs aren't being accounted for.

In recent days, Vanity Fair landed in hot water over its feature 'Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse' which points out that the site - and the wider internet - has led to a hook-up culture, wiping romance from the map.

Tinder had a meltdown and, in a 31-tweet rant, claimed it focuses on "bringing people together".

If by that they meant "... for a quick shag", then we are all in agreement.

In fairness to the makers of the dating app, however, it is only one small part of the problem. Because feminism - or what has been hijacked by the most vocal women intent on using its guise - must shoulder most of the blame.

For years they have told us we are a liberated generation: "now go have sex with whoever you want".

It has become the norm. More women having no-strings sex with more men. Everyone is happy.

But maybe it's not as simple as that, and there's a feeling rising that this freedom we were promised is not what it seems.

Leaving aside early experimental years or that wild summer fling on a girls' holiday, in the real world women don't want casual hook-ups.

They want connection and intimacy. And I'm talking real intimacy - not the facade that comes from seeing someone naked,~ after they have bought you a couple of drinks at the bar.

Am I the only one who finds solace in the old days of romance and the warm comfort it offered, compared to the cold, hard faceof today's hook-up generation?

Forget photos of penises sent by private message on a 'dating' site. There was a time when a bit of mystery and suspense was the key ingredient in the art of seduction.

Remember the days when women weren't wearing next-to-nothing on a night out or posting naked selfies on their social networking sites. A time when the sight of a hard nipple through a silk blouse or a stiletto dangling from a carefully turned ankle sent men's pulses racing and made them want to crawl over broken glass just for the chance of a taste of your lips.

Here's a task: the next time you're talking to a taxi-driver (for they are on the front line of it) enquire about all the drunken women they have brought home. They'll tell you the tales about the dishevelled girls who didn't know where they were, let alone the surname of the guy they had just left. Or, cast your mind back to the number of times where you were with girlfriends after they had a one-night stand and you heard them meekly pose that question "so ... do you think he'll text?"

Perhaps they return a few times until they finally bemoan the fact that he turned out to be a lousy sod after all - when deep down they were looking for something more. Maybe some women feel if they don't sleep with a guy, he'll lose interest But that only weeds out the ones not worth having.

Yes, there are one-offs.

You could meet someone and land in bed on the first night and they could turn out to be magic. Years later, you still have butterflies every time you see them and finding out more about them gets better all the time. But that is rare.

In the vast majority of cases, when it comes to finding someone special - it's better to wait. If you don't want to turn a blind eye to science then turn to the laws of economics: supply and demand. It's all there is to it. Whether it's diamonds, gold or sex. People want what is rare and hard to get.

A woman can go to a bar any night of the week and have sex, a man has to work a lot harder. Or at least he had to in the past. Now gender equality and the insistence that women, like men, want no strings is driving down the price, causing men to gravitate towards the women who don't spread it around. Meanwhile the rest are quietly laughing, thinking: "this is bloody great lads. And the best thing is they think they are the ones winning out".

I've heard men balk at the absurdity of the sexual revolution. They enjoy all the sexual benefits with zero emotional investment. They share pictures of naked girls as they boast of their conquests. The joke now doing the rounds is that the definition of 'infinity' is the time it takes for a man to come and a woman to leave.

Is that what we fought for? It's time for women to use the voice they fought for and call a halt to the idea that we are all game for this.

Sunday Independent

Today's news headlines, directly to your inbox every morning.

Don't Miss