Sunday 21 January 2018

My Week: Simon Coveney*

Simon Coveney. Photo: Tom Burke
Simon Coveney. Photo: Tom Burke

Eilis O'Hanlon

Monday: Fine Gael's the only party in Ireland where a Simon can ever truly feel comfortable, and for years I was the Number 1 Simon in there. Then along came Harris. Now he's the golden boy, fast-tracked for the top, and I've got Alan Kelly's old job.

Today I have two plans to announce as Housing Minister. The first is a new proposal to put directly elected mayors into every major town and city. Yes, people of Ireland, you too can have your own Boris Johnson. Don't all thank me at once.

Second is a scheme to solve the housing crisis. The Opposition says I've done nothing to help on that front since taking over this job at the start of last month, but be fair. You couldn't even put up a conservatory on your des res in that time, never mind find a place to live for all the unfortunates who aren't well enough off to vote FG.

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