Monday 20 May 2019

Mulcahy: Good riddance to a year of Garth Brooks, 'no make-up selfies' and wasted water

Country music star Garth Brooks. Photo: AP
Country music star Garth Brooks. Photo: AP
Kirsty Blake Knox

Kirsty Blake Knox

With Christmas upon us and 2015 drawing near,

It's time to reflect on events of the year,

The mishaps, the faux pas and political kerfuffles,

That caused us elation, confusion and troubles.

Let's start at the beginning - as is the tradition,

With yer man Garth Brooks and the Croker conniption.

He arrived in late January with a bang,

Talking about two concerts in his Midwestern twang,

The nation was delighted when two gigs became five,

Ten gallon hats were back in - it was good to be alive!

But those living near Croker were not at all pleased,

It would cause such a ruckus - or so they believed,

"They'll be middle aged cowgirls stampeding about",

"They'll vomit in our gardens - they'll scream and they'll shout."

Lord Mayor Christy Burke (an unlikely line dancer),

Waltzed into the debate with the Mexican Ambassador.

But despite all the pressure the residents wouldn't give way,

And after much to-ing and fro-ing they won the day.

With Brooks out of the picture the World Cup became our preoccupation,

With weeping Brazilians and Suarez engrossing the nation,

In rugby, we bid Brian O'Driscoll an endless stream of goodbyes,

There were formal dinners, commencement ceremonies, final line outs and tries.

O'Driscoll may have gone but there was fresh hope for our squad,

When his wife Amy gave birth to the true son of BOD.

2014 was the year of the self congratulatory charity viral,

They started out small but quickly they spiralled,

No Make-Up selfies were followed by the Ice Bucket Challenge,

Which saw us waste precious water by the gallon.

Fast forward and hoards of protesters took to the street,

To shake politicians' cars, wave banners and stamp feet,

"But why are they whinging?" asked a wide eyed Joan,

"Who needs hot water when you've got an iPhone?"

Meanwhile, Gerry Adams tweeted about rubber ducks and trees,

Amid allegations of IRA rapes and armed robberies.

Poor senator Ned O'Sullivan reached the end of his tether,

When the seagulls of Dublin "lost the run of themselves altogether",

Let's not forget Enda's bopping at Bloom,

When he tried to "get down with the kids" but just looked like a buffoon,

The "orts" and culture department had an eventful old year,

With Fine Gael cronyism coming into the clear,

Heather Humphreys tried to distract us with talk of 1916 celebration,

Desperate to prove that she had found her true vocation,

But all the drama, spats, confusion and conceit,

Were forgotten when a 25-foot granny took a whizz on Limerick's O'Connell Street.

RTE's handling of Pantigate was an outright debacle,

With leaked memos and pay-offs and plenty of scandal.

But at least the national broadcaster got one thing right,

When they told the folks at IFTA; 'Goodbye and Goodnight.'

Yes it's been a year of highs and lows,

We've had our victories and a good few blows,

But let's forget about Kimye, Nadia and the Star Wars crew,

It's time for 2015 - let's bid the old one good riddance and adieu!

Irish Independent

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