Friday 15 November 2019

Kim Bielenberg: Sorry, Cheryl Cole, sticking needles in your bum is hardly the answer to marital heartbreak

Sarah Harding and Cheryl Cole
Sarah Harding and Cheryl Cole

IT WAS hardly a shock to learn that Cheryl Cole had vitamin injections in her bottom to help her cope with the adultery of errant ex-hubby Ashley. But has she tried sprinkling charcoal on her food as a pick-me-up?

There must be something in the celebrity genes that makes them prone to wacky health regimes.

Ms Cole says in her new autobiography: “My doctor gave me a vitamin injection in my bum to perk me up, but it didn’t work.’’

The treatment is just one of the countless off-the-wall, faddish cures indulged in by the rich and famous.

I am afraid I have had to cross Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud off my barbecue invitation list.

Ms Harding has confessed: "I crumble up charcoal and put it on my food. It doesn't taste of anything and apparently absorbs all the bad, damaging stuff in the body. I think it's good for hangovers too."

Or, it could make your hangover worse.

If she baulks at munching charcoal, Cheryl might care to adopt the “Master Cleanse’’ diet, favoured by Naomi Campbell and Demi Moore.

This supposed health regime involves eating nothing but maple syrup, lemon and pepper for up to a fortnight.

Ms Campbell explained: “It’s good to clean out your body once in a while.’’

But sometimes it’s also good to have a slap-up dinner.

If Gwyneth Paltrow’s household sometimes resembles a mad hatters’ tea party it is because she believes in the ancient cure of “cupping’’.

By placing up to 20 cups on the skin you can apparently balance your body’s “chi’’, and allow energy to flow freely.

I do hope she does the washing-up.

Thankfully, Cheryl will not be able to follow the advice of cage fighter Alex Reid, who believes chaps improve their health by re-absorbing their sperm.

Reid probably had doctors reaching for the smelling salts when he declared:

"It's very good for a man to have unprotected sex, as long as he doesn't ejaculate. All that semen has a lot of nutrition. A tablespoon has your equivalent of steak, eggs, lemons and oranges. I am reabsorbing it into my body and it makes me go raaaaaaahh."

I am not sure we should be encouraging celebrities to go “raaaaaahh’’. Perhaps it would be better if they popped an aspirin and stayed in bed for a couple of days.

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