Thursday 26 April 2018

John Daly: Valentine's Day: More drive-by shootings by Cupid and once more he'll probably miss

Valentines day flowers
Valentines day flowers

John Daly

'Are you lonesome tonight, do you miss me tonight, are you sorry we drifted apart?' The lyrics from that 1969 Elvis hit will hum in many a head this weekend as another Valentine's Day rolls around - especially if you're a forlorn Irish male.

Bad enough that thousands of us might yearn for a non-existent squeeze tomorrow morning, but now we've chained to it the added albatross of having been voted the ugliest mugs in the world as well. After the elite dating site, beautiful, gave its seal of disapproval to nine out of 10 single Irish males who applied to upload their profiles last year, February 14, 2016, has been designated a Valentine's Day massacre, even before we struggle into our heart-shaped boxer shorts. With nary a single card on the mantelpiece, us singletons will emerge into a garish red and pink world tomorrow, raining curses down on the head of that short-sighted little fecker called Cupid, shooting his arrows everywhere but here. Is there not something slightly disturbing in the notion of a naked cherub whizzing about hither and yon with an unlicensed bow, anyway?

The original St Valentine rebelled against a Roman edict preventing soldiers from marrying. Imprisoned for performing secret marriages, the Christian priest got a lot more than a velveteen box of chocs for his troubles - scourged, stoned and decapitated in 269AD - leaving behind a note signed 'From your Valentine' to a young girl whose blindness he cured.

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