It's no time to feel guilty - just do what makes you happy

Sinead Moriarty

'If you want to lie in bed and binge watch Netflix, do it'

March 28 2020 02:30 AM

Lockdown. In a strange way I am getting a little more used to it, but I still have days where I wake up at 5am filled with anxiety and dread.

This is not helped by the endless stream of notifications, messages and social media posts about 'creative ways to occupy your kids while they are in lockdown'.

These tips are meant to 'help parents' fill the long days, but to be honest, they are pushing a lot of parents over the edge.

My 15-year-old does not want to study astrophysics while he waits to find out if his Junior Cert has been cancelled. Nor does my 14-year-old want to learn Japanese in his spare time.

My 11-year-old doesn't want to do extra maths via Cambridge bloody University.

Getting our kids out of bed and getting them to pick their jocks off the floor is a good day.

Getting them to switch off their phones and sit down at their desks requires the skill of a United Nations negotiator combined with the commands of an army general.

So, no, we don't need the extra pressure of 'helpful tips'.

Our children are not going to become cordon bleu chefs, polyglots, Harvard graduates or mechanical engineers in their spare bloody time. The most important thing is to keep our kids safe and keep the worry and anxiety away from them.

And yet… When I see my kids lounging on the couch chatting to their friends online, there is that little voice that says, 'you should be doing more'.

But I am also trying to work. My husband is trying to work.

We are all at home trying to get used to this new normal. And, in a very well-meaning way, parents around the country are constantly being bombarded with online language classes, exercise classes, maths classes, cooking lessons, how to build a shed out of twigs and twine classes… it never ends.

While some of it is wonderful, all of it is too much. I know from everyone I have spoken to, that people are feeling overwhelmed and the 'must do more with my time' atmosphere is not helping.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who said she had cleaned cupboards she didn't know she had, baked bread, done a casual choir session, done an hour of Spanish online and it was only 11am. She was worn out and the day was still stretching before her.

We need to take pressure off ourselves and each other. If you want to lie in bed and binge watch Netflix, do it. You can bake, do exercise classes online and learn Italian tomorrow.

Your kids will not fry their brains if they are not doing something productive all the time. It's OK for them to chill out and chat to their friends - in fact it's really important that they do so.

This is hard for them too. They don't need the extra pressure of being brilliant while in lockdown. They don't need to hear about Johnny's fluency in Mandarin or Jane doing Junior Cert maths papers aged 11.

They just need to get through the days like we do, in whatever way they can.

We don't know how long this will go on and that is the hardest part for all of us. So let's be kind to each other. Let's not judge someone for spending 48 hours in their pyjamas watching TV, if that is what makes them feel better. Do whatever the hell you want to.

And if your child is learning seven languages simultaneously, tell your close relatives, but leave the rest of us mere mortals out of it.

My advice - forget the constant pressure to do more and just look up at the beautiful cherry blossom against the blue sky and breathe.