Monday 11 December 2017

Helen Moorhouse: Sorry, but Kirsten Stewart’s lazy scold-defence apology is strictly for the Twilight zone

Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders
Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders

MY three year old has just learned about 'sorry'. It's her new weapon, her scold-defence. Don't poke your sister in the eye; 'Sowwy'. Why didn't you eat your dinner?; 'Sowwy'. She thinks it's a get out clause, that it makes everything okay. The louder she says it and the bigger audience she has, the more effective it is too.

Much like Kristen Stewart then.

I've never actually managed to see any of the Twilight movies. I tried, but I was completely put off by Edward's alarming colour – a noughties Eddie Munster who is somehow the same shade as a very old bra. Robert Pattinson himself, in fact, always looks like he's been through a 90 degree cycle when his comfort zone is a wool wash. He resembles a wrung out dishcloth or a white Crayola that's been left to rub up against all the other colours in the box. He looks like 50 Shades of Grey could be the name of his autobiography. Together, he and Stewart remind me of a pair of teenagers returning from their first music festival - crumpled, sleepless and slightly whiffy.

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