The new government, whatever the make-up will be, should bring in enforced hibernation for February.
The last government must have been out of their minds to go calling an election in February. The winter in Ireland only rightly gets going in early spring. Bad weather puts us all in bad form.
The last few weeks have been stormy, cold, icy and rainy. Hailstones the size of sliothars fell on me yesterday in the Cork and Kerry mountains. Even the highwayman Captain Farrell wouldn't go out in such weather.
The wet cold is the worst. My fingers are as yellow as those of a corpse wrapped up in rosary beads at a removal.
The government should have waited for the fine weather. The hospital flus would be over and the disgrace of the trolleys would be hidden from plain sight until next winter when everyone in the HSE will be shocked by the flu, again.
No one has any money left in February after the Christmas splurge. I'll bet you're sorry now for spending all that cash on baubles and prawns - and was the 104-inch TV a smart buy?
I wonder why TVs and penises are still measured in inches. You can be certain if Sinn Féin rules us, the party will bring in metric penises and TVs. Inches, as Sinn Féiners see it, are part of the old class system imposed on us by British imperialism.
Pints will have to go as well. The measure was also invented by the cunning British. It was part of their policy of divide and drunkenness. Their plan was we would spend our time drinking for Ireland and shouting "Up the Ra".
February will be long gone before we have a new taoiseach. Irish people suffer from what used to be known as magpie thinking. We move from one shiny object to the next, which is why it will take months to form a new government.
The conventional wisdom is the magpie is a great man for bringing shiny objects in to the nest.
According to a report on the BBC, magpies suffer from neophobia - a fear of new things. The magpies hate shiny things and they hate change.
Magpies have been badly wronged for robbing engagement rings and the like but it does seem to this observer our politicians suffer from neophobia. The condition is the main reason why it will take months to make up the numbers to vote in a new taoiseach.
Here's what's going to happen if a cure can be found for neophobia. Fine Gael will go into government with Fianna Fáil, the Greens and maybe the Healy-Raes if Kerry is granted independence.
I come from a Fine Gael background. Nana used to pray to Holy Mary and Michael Collins when there was trouble brewing and trouble was brewed more often than Barry's tea.
My grandmother was a veteran of the War of Independence. She loved Collins. My uncle was fired from the Abbey for belting a Fianna Fáil minister. The grandfather was done out of a job because "he didn't vote right".
But it's time to join up with Fianna Fáil and build houses. I don't know myself since I was prescribed the neophobia medicine.
In case there are any foreigners reading, it's a good thing in Ireland if you don't know yourself. Not knowing yourself has nothing to with an identity crisis. It means you are getting better, taking tea and a lightly buttered slice of toast. I reckon our health system spends about €2bn a year on tea and toast. Tea and toast is a cure for everything.
I'm drifting like the ghost ship that was washed up in Ballycotton Bay.
The best thing would be to form an All-Stars government. Pa Daly, the newly-elected Sinn Féin TD for Kerry, would be on my team. He's bright and honest.
Norma Foley is our new Fianna Fáil TD. She is a wonderful woman and a true friend. Norma nominated Micheál Martin for taoiseach.
According to Fionnán Sheahan, our Ireland Editor: "Norma Foley quoted John B Keane and Shakespeare." To my certain knowledge, Shakespeare was not Fine Gael but my dad was.
I'll bet Dad never thought he'd be quoted in a speech nominating a Fianna Fáil taoiseach. I was in stitches. By the way, "having stitches" in Ireland means you are bursting from the laughing.
But Dad was in favour of bringing Sinn Féin into the political system.
There were times after the election when the party was a Wolfe Tones tribute band. Sinn Féin has some way to go before people believe it is IRA-free.
The party's treatment of the family of Paul Quinn, who was brutally beaten to death, was horrible. Its 13-years-too-late "sorry but..." apology for branding an innocent boy a criminal was forced on the party by the courageous journalism of Miriam O'Callaghan.
But Sinn Féin has brought us peace in the North and it has some very brilliant TDs in its ranks.
The better it does at the polls, the less the likelihood of a resurgence by the CIRA.
The ideal solution would be a national government with inherent checks and balances. Even though only 1pc of the electorate thought Brexit was an election issue, 100pc of us could suffer if Britain goes for a hard Border. This will be a disunited Ireland. We must stick together on Brexit at least.
Some time in the next few years there will a move towards a referendum for a united Ireland. I am all for a united Ireland and Sinn Féin must be involved. This is the best reason for a national government.
I went for a stroll in the ever-friendly Cork city this morning. When you ask for directions in Cork, the locals walk along to show you the way. I was brought to outside An Bodhrán bar on Oliver Plunkett Street.
The sign outside read: "Never in the history of calming down has anyone been calmed down by being told to calm down." How about take it easy?
There's a message for all of you screaming out for a new government. Take your time. It takes time to form a government. Would you marry after only a few days of courtship?
A national government is unlikely, for now. Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael have much in common. The Civil War is over. The fear of new things must be conquered.