Tuesday 17 September 2019

Brendan O'Connor: 'Hordes flee as panic sets in'

Pictured at the AIB Tap House at Electric Picnic was l-r Meg O Regan, Laura O’Connor,Ryan Fay O’Sullivan,Lisa Cronin and Ciara O’Mahony from Cork.
Pictured at the AIB Tap House at Electric Picnic was l-r Meg O Regan, Laura O’Connor,Ryan Fay O’Sullivan,Lisa Cronin and Ciara O’Mahony from Cork.
Brendan O'Connor

Brendan O'Connor

Brexit panic finally kicked in this weekend. While people had accepted in the last week or two that a no-deal Brexit had become the most likely outcome, being Irish, they were also able to believe simultaneously that it was probably not going to happen and that most likely everything will be fine. The Government was taking the line that everything was not going to be fine, but it was not making any plans because if it was seen to be making plans, it might be seen as an acceptance that things are not going to be fine, and that would increase the chances of things not being fine.

But on Friday, panic finally set in and hordes of young and not-so-young people fled towns and cities and began gathering at a site in Laois to live in tents. With warnings of food shortages in the papers last week, the fleeing hordes had stocked up on foodstuffs and alcohol.

Many of them were in disguise. "There were accountants dressed up as sexy hippies, and people who work in the bank wearing spangly hot pants and bra-tops," said one observer. "And that was just the lads."

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"It looked as if they had decided to turn their backs on normal society and their boring straight lives", said another person who saw the hordes. "But maybe it was just for the weekend."

Others said that families had joined the hordes fleeing the cities as well. "The men who had children with them were largely bearded hipster feminist men," said an eyewitness. "The kids already seemed to be really unhappy getting on the buses and were pleading to go home and have spaghetti hoops and watch Peppa Pig, but the parents were saying that this was going to be a magical experience they would never forget, and that there would be face-painting. The children kept insisting they were scared and wanted to go home."

Update, Sunday: The people who fled to Laois to escape Brexit have been returning to the towns and cities after just a few days. Observers say that, while everyone enjoyed it for a couple of nights, they decided in the end that they wanted to go back to their real lives. "They ran out of drink," said one eyewitness. "Also, shortages of falafels, vegan curries and chickpea sandwiches began to kick in as the weekend went on. I saw two men get in a fight over a piece of pulled pork and there were people on the side of the road begging for goat's cheese."

It is thought most of the crowds will relocate to the cities for now, where they will talk incessantly about the weekend for the next six months.

Legal Disclaimer: Electric Picnic continues today. Everyone is having a great time. There are no food shortages. No children are crying there. (Are we sure about that last one? - Editor)

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