Terry Prone: Even if you’re gorgeous and talented like Cameron Diaz, you should still be told if you stink
IF you want to learn how to tell someone that they stink of body odour, read on. You never know the day nor the hour that this skill will be called upon.
Trust me. Or, rather, trust the poor film stars who have to sit near Cameron Diaz at showbiz events. Most of them have adopted a “don't quote me by name” stance about the perils of being close to Cameron, but the word is out that on a hot day or in a pressured situation, she reeks of perspiration.
She recently announced that she hasn't used deodorant in the last twenty years. Only Cameron Diaz could get away with an announcement like that.
Although, now that we come to stink about it (sorry), Mathew McConaughey has done the same, with much the same weird pride.
What's to be proud about when it comes to personal pong? Like it's part of their brand?
They are, of course, following a great film tradition. Gary Cooper had such epic halitosis that love scenes were hell for the women he starred with. Marilyn Monroe was reported as smelling a tad ripe on occasion, but then personal hygiene does tend to get sloppy when someone's hooked on narcotics, and not many people were going to recommend to Monroe that she might spend a teeny weeny bit more time in the shower when getting her to the film set before dusk was a major achievement.
In the past, this was a “don't ask, don't tell” issue. Not any more. Cameron Diaz, Matthew McConaughey and Bradley Cooper have gone public about their personal smell.
Cameron believes that if you wear an anti-perspirant, it's really bad for you, because you're keeping the stink on the inside. She seems to be worried that the interior of your body may stink to high heaven, which is doubtful, but who the hell cares, as long as friends, family and co-workers are not subjected to the stench.
Although it's intriguing to think that, if you follow the Diaz theory, having your appendix out might make space for smells diverted from the armpit.
“Just trim your armpit hair so it doesn't hold on to the scent,” is her advice to the world. You'll notice that she doesn't deny the existence of the “scent.” She simply suggests that a bit of an old trim on your armpit hair will prevent it being broadcast.
This woman lives on Planet Hollywood, where, once you achieve star status, you don't have to deal with realities any more. Even if the celeb magazines print shots of you with sweat-stains in the armpit of your satin gown, you can brush it off as part of your untouched natural appeal.
As Matthew McConaughey does. He went off deodorant around the same time as Cameron and Brad did – maybe an asteroid hit the earth that year and jangled a few brains, not to mention sweat glands.
The thing is that McConaughey knows how offensive to others is his stench. He may be gorgeous. He may be talented. But Kate Hudson was so troubled by his stink when she starred in a movie with him, she would bring a natural rocksalt deodorant with her every day and beg him to apply it.
Over here in real life, most people who stink don't know it and need to be told by co-workers or the boss. It's simple, if you're the one who gets this task. You don't start with |dithery apologies. Apologies make it worse. Just say it straight and get on to another topic quickly.
“Either your deodorant isn't working or you need to start using one. Hey, d'you have that presentation ready for Tuesday?”
See? I told you it was simple. Now, I didn't tell you it was easy…