Wednesday 26 June 2019

Wozniacki shows how to bounce back from heartbreak

Caroline Wozniacki celebrates as she crosses the finish line during tNew York City Marathon in Central Park. Photo by Alex Trautwig/Getty Images
Caroline Wozniacki celebrates as she crosses the finish line during tNew York City Marathon in Central Park. Photo by Alex Trautwig/Getty Images
Sinead Moriarty

Sinead Moriarty

Miss Havisham, probably the most famous jilted bride, should have taken the Caroline Wozniacki approach to being dumped - onwards and upwards.

It was a joy to see Wozniacki's smiling face as she crossed the finishing line of the New York Marathon on the day she was supposed to be walking up the aisle with the golfer Rory McIlroy.

Being let down before a wedding is painful and humiliating. Being jilted before your wedding and having it splashed all over Twitter must be excruciating.

The 24-year-old tennis player signed up for the New York Marathon after fiance Rory McIlroy called off their engagement in May, just days after they sent out their invitations.

Not only did Wozniacki complete the marathon but she did in the impressive time of three hours, 26 minutes and 33 seconds.

Waiting to greet her at the finish line was her good friend, fellow tennis player Serena Williams. Every jilted bride needs a good girlfriend, chocolate, alcohol and tissues.

Wozniacki impressively managed to turn her negative experience into a positive one and ran for children's charity 'Team for Kids', raising over $81,000 (€65,000).

Instead of drowning her grief in a vat of vodka or snorting her sorrow up her nose, she chose to do something that would help others. She truly is an excellent role model for young girls to look up to.

Wozniacki has shown young women that you can bounce back from a broken heart. Life goes on after your fiance dumps you and public humiliation soon becomes yesterday's news.

One the flip side, it is better for the groom to cancel than go ahead with the wedding if he does have doubts.

It's a lot less complicated to get out of an engagement than a marriage.

But not all feelings of cold feet signal the end of an engagement. Grooms and brides alike must measure the level and severity of their cold feet before jumping to break up.

Cold feet are present in almost all brides and grooms, but very few admit it. What should be a time of bliss can also feel like a time of loss. You're saying goodbye to your single life and embracing monogamy...forever, in theory at least.

New York psychotherapist Allison Moir-Smith says that it is only by grieving for the end of single life that you can fully embrace your new married life.

Moir-Smith says, "Not everyone gets cold feet, but an identity shift will happen. If you don't allow it to happen before the wedding, it will catch up with you later."

However, research has shown that it's not so much the grooms we should worry about, it's the shaky bride. A bride with doubts is the one who will cause real problems down the line.

A study has shown that if a bride has pre-wedding doubts, the likelihood of the couple getting divorced is more than doubled. The research included 464 newlyweds, who were interviewed separately every six months until their fourth year of marriage.

The groom having concerns and doubts didn't necessarily mean that the marriage would break up.

For men, marital unhappiness was linked mainly with having a neurotic personality, which led them to worry about most things, not just whether to marry or stay married

The study found that 40pc of women and 50pc of men reported having had pre-wedding doubts. Two-thirds of the couples included at least one partner who wasn't totally sure about going ahead with the marriage.

Within four years, 12pc of the couples had divorced, and the chances of a split were higher among couples in which women had had cold feet: 8pc of women without pre-wedding doubts had divorced, compared with 19pc of women with doubts.

In contrast, 9pc of men who had felt confident about getting married ended up divorced, compared with 14pc of those who had pre-marital concerns.

Virtually every bride and groom will get some type of cold feet before the wedding. The key is to deal with these doubts before saying "I do".

However, if you feel the doubts are more than just pre-wedding jitters, it may be advisable to seek the help of friends or family.

The bride doesn't want to end up with a huge bill for a wedding that never happened, nor does a groom want to end up saying goodbye to a large diamond ring that he took out a bank loan to pay for.

But if you do get dumped, use Wozniacki's self-help treatment as a shinning example of how to get over heartbreak.

Irish Independent

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