Tuesday 20 August 2019

Sinead Moriarty: Christmas haters are gonna hate - but please don't spoil it for the rest of us

'People complain about the cost of buying presents for relatives that they probably won’t like, and receiving presents they hate.' Stock image
'People complain about the cost of buying presents for relatives that they probably won’t like, and receiving presents they hate.' Stock image
Sinead Moriarty

Sinead Moriarty

While the majority of people enjoy Christmas and embrace the festive season, there are also those who absolutely loathe it. For some people, the fact that supermarkets start stocking mince pies in October drives them nuts.

I did actually see a mince pie selection back in October and when I checked the 'best before' date, it was early December. Mouldy mince pies for Christmas day, anyone?

Much has been written about the lost art of Christmas card writing. The younger generation doesn't get it. Why bother sending out cards when you can just text Santa and Christmas tree emojis to your WhatsApp group?

Why waste all that time and money on stamps? All the cards do is clutter your house or fall off the mantelpiece into the fire and potentially set your house alight.

As for eggnog, why in the name of God would anyone choose to drink raw egg? Who in their right mind wants to drink something made up of milk, sugar, raw eggs and nutmeg?

You can get salmonella from raw egg. The residents and staff of a nursing home in the US became ill with salmonellosis after drinking eggnog and four died. They should have stuck to mulled wine - at least it's boiled so it's safe to drink.

Christmas haters (and even some Christmas lovers) don't understand the obsession with dried fruit over the festive period either. How about some dried, chopped fruit mashed up and served with brandy butter to go with your eggnog? It's up there with Brussels sprouts on many people's list of Christmas downers.

What about all that food? The mountains of food that are rammed down your throat wherever you go. People get quite panicky about the amount of food they are going to eat at Christmas.

Gym memberships always go through the roof in January as people try to burn off the excesses of December. No matter where you go, you will be offered mince pies, Christmas cake, chocolate - and possibly eggnog.

For anyone worried about putting on a few pounds, Christmas can be a minefield of trying to avoid being force-fed by relatives and friends.

As for annoying children... Christmas haters really dislike hyper kids, especially ones that are hyped up on sugar from 5am. Who in their right mind allows their children to eat a full selection box before sunrise?

Children are wound up enough about Santa coming - why allow them a truckload of sugar to wind them up any further?

Don't you realise that, as the day progresses, you will be offered more sweets, treats and dried fruit cakes wherever you go?

Don't you know how unruly and annoying your children are going to become as they overdose on sugar?

Christmas songs push some people over the edge too. To be fair, even those who like Christmas can find the overplaying of Christmas songs a little grating.

There is definitely room for a few new Christmas tracks. Singers and songwriters take note - we need new material.

People complain about the cost of buying presents for relatives that they probably won't like, and receiving presents they hate.

Why can't we just call over, have dinner and forget about the expensive gifts that no one wants, they ask.

Why not just hand each other €50 and be done with it, one Christmas hater suggested.

It would save all the hassle of buying a present and of having to change the one you receive.

That way you can avoid the long, winding queues of people returning gifts after Christmas.

I have a solution to that particular problem. Might I suggest you buy books - always a good present and in my experience always well received.

The office Christmas party is dreaded by some. Why do we want to watch our fellow colleagues drink gallons of mulled wine and end up in a storage cupboard with their boss? Or the others who will just drink the vats of wine and vomit into a bin on the way home.

Secret Santa is another thing Christmas haters loathe.

Having to spend time and money buying a colleague, who you probably don't even like or know, a gift is not their idea of fun.

Besides, what do you buy Frank from accounts for €20 anyway? (How about a book?)

Traffic. Christmas traffic is hell. Anyone who ever owned a car is out at Christmas. Demented shoppers are constantly crashing into each other in car parks.

Perhaps Christmas haters should book a holiday from December 20 to January 1.

It might make their lives easier and leave us Christmas lovers to overindulge, give and receive bad presents and eat out-of-date mince pies.

Irish Independent

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