Thursday 23 November 2017

Ruth Dudley Edwards: Ireland needs fewer fruitcakes and more Terry Wogans please

After much pondering, Ruth Dudley Edwards updates her fantasy wish-list of nominees to eject or import

Ruth Dudley-Edwards

FEELING cross with a variety of people the other day, I remembered a cathartic party game I invented some years ago. The principle is that each participant chooses whom they would most like to run out of the country and whom they would like to bring in. You put a euro in a hat for each entry, have a minute to make your case to your playmates and then a popular vote wins the jackpot.

Now that I've burrowed through my files, I find when I wrote of this seven years ago my ejectees were Vincent Browne, Niall Crowley, Eamon Dunphy, Jackie Healy-Rae, Sinn Fein, the Wolfe Tones, man-hating feminists and the entire legal profession. Few changes need to be made there, although Niall and Eamon could be let off since they don't really matter much these days. However, in 2010 it's clear that root-and-branch reform is necessary, so there are quite a few additional candidates for expulsion.

In politics, it's the Aherns: Dermot, for stamping on free speech with his wretched blasphemy law, and Bertie, for insisting that our present economic disasters have nuttin' to do with him. He reminds me of It Was Fine When It Left Us, the title of a book about the building of the Titanic invented by Colin Bateman in Mystery Man.

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